Shopping Addiction
http://thedianerehmshow.org/shows/2012-12-19/shopping-addiction
More than 18 million Americans are compulsive buyers, an addiction that can devastate families and bank accounts. The struggle to control a shopping addiction.
Guests
Dr. April Lane Benson
psychologist specializing in compulsive buying disorders and author of "I Shop, Therefore I Am" and "To Buy Or Not To Buy: Why We Overshop And How To Stop."
Saundra Davis
president of the Financial Therapy Association.
Bill J.
member of Debtors Anonymous for 25 years.
Read An Excerpt
Excerpt from "To Buy Or Not To Buy," by April Lane Benson, © 2008 by April Lane Benson, PhD. Reprinted by arrangement with Trumpeter, an imprint of Shambhala Publications, Inc., Boston, MA.
Comments
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Without SA we wouldn't have Christmas. Spend more than anyone else to impress them all & prove you aren't a Scrooge.
Our culture, commercials, billboards etc fuel this addiction. How do folks with this addiction deal with the onslaught of not only acceptance of this addiction but the billion dollar industries that fuel it?
Today, my husband is filing for Chapter 13 bankruptcy. When he lost his job, he opened a retail store which basically became a slot machine for him. Very addictive. He bought more and more to stock the shelves, each time thinking this would be the big product that would save our finances. Though we incorporated, he could not acquire a business credit card and so racked up 20,000 in personal debt. The damage has been mitigated by credit counseling, marriage counseling and counseling for anxiety for our son. It has been a terrifying time and I believe many middle class families went down this path during the recession.
I had an addition to buying books. Finally got relief when I decided to copy down the ISBN number of the desired book so I could find it later if I still wanted it. When I got home, I had saved that money and felt relieved that I did not need it after all.
We need to extrapolate this shopping addiction to those who cannot get enough money. They work hard and the present system forces others into there charge to work for them to give them more money. So this accumulation of wealth by individuals is an addiction. With out addiction we would live in a much better world. Addiction in America is systematic and systemic!!
How is this related to hoarding/ADD/ADHD/depression? Is there a genetic link? I think there is. Luckily, I seem to have escaped this, but within my immediate and extended family it is causing real issues (financial, emotional, relationships) and I don't know how to help though I have made some progress in helping family members with these issues.
My 87 year old mother sits at home and watch's the Home Shopping shopping shows on tv. She knows that she has a problem, but she also says that it makes her happy. 10 years ago when it became a real problem with her buying jewelry I took her to consumer credit counseling for a reality check. It worked for a while but I noticed she's back on there again. I'm not sure what to do . I feel like these shopping shows somehow prey on people like her.
Massive consumer spending accounts for over 70% of the US economy and provides subsistence wage jobs for untold millions of Chinese workers. It is our social responsibility.
This isn't an addiction, it is a result of a society that values "things" and instant gratification. If on the other hand more folks valued people and relationships, then this "addiction" would evaporate.
With addictive personalities a general rule is to substitute good habits for the bad. Volunteering in the community builds self esteem and self worth. As a Horticultural Therapist, I have seen miraculous transformation in the garden. Growing your own plants , flowers and food heals the mind, body and spirit.
www.robbornstein.com
What I would like hear folks talking about is the fact that the whole modern financial system is tweaked towards maximizing consumption.
We are bombarded from all directions with advertisements aiming at making us buy products.
It's the American way.
Pointing fingers towards 'addicted' individuals without considering the above is hypocritical.
Just love the suggestions. Thirty years ago I started asking my large Catholic family to stop the tradition of everyone buying one another gifts..oy vey it used to drive me crazy, the waste the kids barely even looked at the gifts, We all went home with things we did not want or need. One year my niece was caught regifting something her mother had just given her that day. Perfect example
Slowly but surely we have been quote"moving away from giving material goods" One year gave donations in all of my nieces and nephews names to the Red Cross. Love this show. Move away from the material give or share experiences....Thank you thank you
My friends and I decided a number of years ago (we are all in our 60's) to longer exchange gifts - instead, we give to a charitable organization in that person's name. Birthdays, Christmas, other important events. Makes us all feel warm and fuzzy - and none of us need another pair of earrings, more "things" in our homes, etc.
Faye Casey, Rochester, NY
good one Riobert...healthy
I managed to run up a debit of $60,000.00 over a period of years through compulsive shopping. It be came so overwhelming that I tried to commit suicide. I am now under control but depression compounded the issue.
I had to unsubscribe to all store sites in my email to stay away from the temptation.
Good show. Spending too much money as an addiction isn't just shopping for stuff. I've been involved in the dog show world for almost 30 years. I've seen many of my friends go completely broke and end up divorced because of the their obsession with not just buying and breeding more dogs but the need to campaign dogs for dog show wins and top ratings. I came very close to the same. During the late 1980's and the 1990's I had 3 dogs that made it to #2 in their breed. At one point I had 45 dogs at home. 18 were purebreds that I had shown or was showing and the rest were rescue dogs. Of course having that number of dogs meant huge food bills and vet bills. Every dog show has vendors and there was the corresponding need to buy anything dog related along with buying collectables and antiques related to my dog breed. It was a never ending process of spending more and more money. All that along with the cost of entering and traveling to dog shows almost every weekend across the country meant huge credit card bills and we were broke most of the time. At the very least it costs over $50,000 a year to campaign a dog winning at the top levels. To get a dog winning at a level to actually win something at Westminster is more like $250,000 and up.
It took a complete break with the dog show world in 1998 that lasted for at least two years to break the extreme habit but in 2001 I did go back to showing. Now I have just 8 dogs, some who are finished showing and a couple of young ones currently being shown and I only go to around 10 shows a year. We manage our vet bills and dog expenses reasonably now and know when to say "NO" to going to a dog show or buying accessories we don't need.
I love thrift stores. I especially like finding old and unusual treasures. I find I do satiate though and stop for awhile. the attic and one room are loaded probably to be sorted out by my kids upon my death. I do get a rush finding the treasure cheap or just stumbling upon it at all. I recognize the issue but it is not a financial issue just an issue of too much stuff!!! I do think it is genetic but am glad it is not alcohol tobacco or gambling!!!
My ex had an addiction to sleeping medications (he's in treatment now & doing well) but what I didn't realize was he also had a spending addiction. He would sleep purchase over the internet after taking his medications at night and wouldn't even remember his purchases and it was like a surprise when his purchases were delivered. He was making good money but his addictions eventually got the best of him causing him to lose several jobs and get into large debt. Luckily he is doing well now and on his way to restarting his life.
I have an older brother who buys compulsively and hoards. I know it is related to gambling addiction because he is always thinking one of his buys will be the "priceless treasure".
Besides the hoarding, he practices pathological lying - possibly to cover up his buying or associated financial and relationship difficulties, or just to try to excuse laziness and/or neglect of his family.
At this point he has distanced himself almost completely from his family. With all the lying we really have no clear idea of what exactly he is up to. He is over 65 now and refuses to even accept he might need psychological help. It is all very stressful for a lot of his family.
Another look at a shopping mall:
"Mall-aise"
www.efn.org/~hkrieger/mallaise.htm
I grew up in Midwest. The main entertainment there is shopping. It's simply part of the culture. Every weekend I would go shop with my friends, there was not much else to do there... Then I moved to NY. Life here was so much more diverse and interesting! I didn't want to spend precious time doing shopping, it became simply boring. Now I look back to my years there and realize that I had plenty of opportunities to do something else than shopping - sports, art, hiking, gardening, whatever, it's available anywhere. Yet I chose shopping because everyone did it.
I guess I'm trying to say it's important to show kids how interesting life actually is. It's important to have a hobby, to try new things, to do something outside of school/work/family. A lot of people want some kind of fulfillment and shopping gives a very easy (but fleeting) sense of satisfaction. I believe it can be replaced by other activity, sometimes as simple as taking drawing class. Create, not consume.
This is such an interesting article! I definitely have some compulsive shopping issues myself but I never realized how big of an issue it is. I recently read another blog that had some really valuable information on compulsive behaviors http://www.psychalive.org/2012/12/compulsive-shopping/, I highly recommend it!