Protecting Children From Sexual Abuse And Helping Victims Recover
http://thedianerehmshow.org/shows/2012-06-13/protecting-children-sexual-abuse-and-helping-victims-recover
Today is day three in the trial of former Penn State football coach Jerry Sandusky. He’s accused of sexually abusing 10 boys over a 15 year period starting in 1994. When the charges were first made public at the end of last year, a graduate of a prestigious New York city private school decided to revisit decades old alleged abuse incidents at his school. Last Sunday the New York Times published his piece. The number of responses to the article suggests that child sex abuse is much bigger problem than most acknowledge: Join us to discuss how to protecting children and teenagers from sexual abuse and how to help victims recover.
Guests
Frank Cervone
executive director, Support Center for Child Advocates.
Dr. Liza Gold
clinical professor of psychiatry, Georgetown University Medical Center
vice president, American Academy of Psychiatry & The Law
Amos Kamil
screenwriter, playwright, and brand strategist
1982 graduate, Horace Mann School
Dr Richard Gartner
a psychologist and psychoanalyst practicing in New York City,
author of " Beyond Betrayal: Taking Charge of Your Life After Boyhood Sexual Abuse"
Comments
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Like so many other Americans, I count on The Diane Rehm Show to be a voice of reason, cutting through the fog of hype and hysteria that can cloud good judgment about the most important issues of our time.
The problem of child sexual abuse is serious and real. But the solutions often have been phony. So here’s what I’m hoping I *won’t* hear this morning, and some links to more details:
--Hyped, phony statistics. There’s a statistic about child sexual abuse that is scary, ubiquitous – and wrong. I’ll be disappointed if it is used by a guest and even more disappointed if it is presented as fact in Ms. Rehm’s intro. Details are in our column for the website of the trade journal Youth Today: http://bit.ly/vchxSL
--Calls to require even more people to report their slightest suspicion of child abuse to authorities. Such laws have been around for more than four decades, yet there is not a shred of evidence that they actually make children safer, and considerable evidence that they do harm. Details here: http://bit.ly/s0EBF2
--Various claims about Pennsylvania supposedly investigating and substantiating fewer allegations of child abuse than other states. Again, not true; details here: http://bit.ly/uIL0XP
--A general call for families to instill fear in their children at every turn. Details are in this post to my organization’s child welfare blog: http://bit.ly/z50hgk
We can curb child sexual abuse in America – that’s clear from the fact that the rate of child sexual abuse actually has sharply declined in recent decades. But real solutions require putting children’s needs ahead of phony, feel-good remedies that pander to adult self-indulgence.
Richard Wexler
Executive Director
National Coalition for Child Protection Reform
www.nccpr.org
What can parents do to protect their children from coaches, teachers, and other adults that they are alone with? What kind of background checks would you recommend and how should parents talk to kids about this without scaring them.
A dear friend of mine is a sexual assault prevention trainer. She has tossed out a statistic that out of individuals who report sexual assault 97% of the them are telling the truth. Why is it that people do not believe them?
Over a decade ago I set up sexual assault prevention trainer who came into our middle school and did the training with young women. The young women were so appreciative and learned so much. When I went to the middle school principle and asked if this could be a monthly program for both young men and women he said no. In fact the kids at this school only get this course once in their two years of middle school.
Would more classes on sexual assault prevention help? Why is it that this is not just part of our public school curriculum?
MaleSurvivor (www.MaleSurvivor.org) is the leading not-for-profit organization committed to preventing, healing, and eliminating all forms of sexual victimization of boys and men through support, treatment, research, education, advocacy, and activism. We offer moderated discussion forums and chat rooms for people who are looking for support, a free resource directory with listing of therapists who have experience working with abuse survivors, and a Weekends of Recovery providing direct support to all male survivors and their partners.
The courageous accusers in the Sandusky case are to be lauded for their strength and willingness to take a public stand in the face of immense pressure. Speaking up is the first step in the healing process, and to begin one's healing process by testifying in court is incredibly difficult for the victims. These young men should be looked upon as heroes.
If you were a survivor, remember. You are not alone. It was not your fault. Healing is possible.
MaleSurvivor (www.MaleSurvivor.org) is the leading not-for-profit organization committed to preventing, healing, and eliminating all forms of sexual victimization of boys and men through support, treatment, research, education, advocacy, and activism. We offer moderated discussion forums and chat rooms for people who are looking for support, a free resource directory with listing of therapists who have experience working with abuse survivors, and a Weekends of Recovery providing direct support to all male survivors and their partners.
The courageous accusers in the Sandusky case are to be lauded for their strength and willingness to take a public stand in the face of immense pressure. Speaking up is the first step in the healing process, and to begin one's healing process by testifying in court is incredibly difficult for the victims. These young men should be looked upon as heroes.
If you were a survivor, remember. You are not alone. It was not your fault. Healing is possible.
We are seeing that children, that come from homes where fathers aren't as 'involved', are targetted. How can we as a community help (besides practicing safe sex).
Also I, for one, applaud the justice the father in Texas took into his own hands (pun intended) by killing the man attacking his daughter.
I think it would be helpful to aknoweldge that Bullying is a partner crime to Sexual Abuse. The victims get bullied by both the perpetrator and sometimes also the people the victims go to for help.
This is a TRIGGER! I am a consistent listener of WAMU and of the Diane Rehm Show, but there is a serious lack of warning before airing a segment of this variety.
Survivors of sexual abuse or assault of any kind are extremely sensitive to this kind of content in their everyday life and if you want to air this kind of content I REALLY wish you would speak an alert at least every 15 minutes throughout the segment that this is a TRIGGER for likely many listeners. I was really shaken this morning when I turned on the radio and this was playing without knowing the segment before hand.
PLEASE consider inserting a caution or trigger warning when airing this kind of segment.
Thanks.
I was abused by my junior high school counselor when I was 14. I think he probably figured out I was gay even before I was sure of it and that may be one reason he targeted me. As I got older that event was certainly one reason why it took me so long to come out. I didn't want to be known as one of "those people." I'm in my 50's now and am perfectly comfortable with who I am and I absolutely have no attraction toward children. In fact, as one of your guests just mentioned, I avoid being around children just because I don't want anyone to even remotely think that I could do anything so reprehensible.
At the age of 9 or 10 I was sexually abused by my stepfather. I never kept it a secret and yet no one did anything. This has had, as discussed by your guests, a lasting effect on my life.
Please discuss 'rape' as currently defined. Until last year I never thought that I was raped, but in fact I was because there was a violation of my body but not in the way we commonly see as rape. Diane had said something about being "fondled or raped". It is really important that your listeners understand that it doesn't matter. There are not degrees of horribleness. It is rape. For years I would say "it wasn't like I was raped or anything." But I was and it has taken 30 years for me to understand it.
thank you.
S.
PREVENTION is the key. We mandate innumerable child-safety policies, and it's time we emphasized CSA prevention. Darkness to Light (www.D2L.org) has resources for individuals and organizations, to help them combat child sexual abuse.
It doesn't have to happen, but we must insist on policy change within child-centered institutions.
Cindy McElhinney,
Darkness to Light
One of my grandsons, and possibly one of his brothers, was sexually abused at a very young age by a person we considered a family friend. He's a bedwetter, even now, at age 8. He's had behavioral problems, and has had some therapy. What can we expect down the road? Also, his brother has gone back and forth, saying he, too, was abused, and also denying it. What can we do for him? What kind of behaviors can we expect from him if he really was abused, and is denying it? Also, the perpetrator was prosecuted and only did about a year in prison; he is out there, still. We're angry that the perp only did a year, while my grandson(s) have a life sentence. Something's got to be done about such laws.
I was abused by my father and older brother for many years. As an adult, I was ignored and avoided by both of them and felt as though I was a victime again.
I appreciate Ms. Rehm’s effort to adhere to the program’s usual high standards. And, in fact, most of the myths cited in my previous comment were not a part of this program. But the worst of the myths turned up after only 14 minutes: She used exactly the phony statistic I cited in my previous comment – the one claiming that one in four girls and one in six boys will be sexually abused. The definition of abuse, in the one study underlying that scare number, is so broad that a 19-year-old boy kissing his 17-year-old girlfriend goodnight after a date constitutes "abuse." (Details here: http://bit.ly/vchxSL).
To those who say "why quibble about numbers, even one case is horrible enough?" I would reply: That's true. So why poison a constructive discussion with hype and hysteria that risks returning us to the paranoia that gripped the nation over cases like the McMartin Preschool in the 1980s?
Another feature of the witchhunts of the 80s was the mantra that, no matter how preposterous the allegation, we must “believe the children.” So it was disturbing to hear one guest say that investigations should begin with the presumption that an allegation is true. In fact, investigations should begin with no presumptions whatsoever.
The paranoia that led to McMartin and cases like it harmed hundreds of children who were never abused, and it made it harder for those who really were abused to be believed. We forget those lessons at children's peril.
Richard Wexler
Executive Director
National Coalition for Child Protection Reform
www.nccpr.org
Respectfully, Mr. Wexler, I believe children should always be believed expecially when involving sexual misconduct committed by adult involving them. Children generally don't know how to make up stories involving sexual misconduct and the healing needs to begin the moment they tell someone. Not believing a child only furthers the problem.
In addition, fathers need to stay around and remain involved in the lives of their children. Research shows that confidence gained by children of 2 parent household (not always male female) have much less likely to be prey to predators.
I am a clinical social worker and in today's show, what your guests discussed resonated strongly with the things that I have encountered in my profession. Young male children have a very dificult time sorting out, processing and understanding the effects of sexual trauma. Many times I see children that have a distorted view of themselves; as a result, many of these boys act out their anger on other boys that resemble them as victims thus going from a victim to victimizer process so to speak. Also, depending on the gravity, some of these boys develop PTSD symptoms, mainly dissociation, and this makes it more difficult to bring a resolution to their problems. Furthermore, in family sexual abuse, denial is pervasive. I suppose that this is also evident in organizations like Penn state.
Jaime A. Crisanto LCSW
Thank you for this show. I hope all listeners really listen to what this show, the Sandusky case, the Catholic church-- is asking us to hear and believe about who we are. I'm not sure how much more waking up we have ahead of us given the extent to which we are in denial's trance. If listening to the show causes you to feel angry, irritated, defensive---listen to that. We are only beginning to scratch the surface.
I've been waiting, watching for 25 years. That is how long its been since I shared with my family the pornographic love letters my father wrote for me, since sharing with my family the details of being raped by my father. Like so many others I was named the problem, and family scattered to the wind. Attorneys told me that what my dad did was horrible, but absent proof of penetration, not a crime. Then the statute of limitations. I spent years researching. I wrote a legal guide for survivors. I interviewed people across the country. And then I stopped. No one wanted to hear. In a core place it felt like being banished over and over again--you don't matter. So 25 years later while weeding my garden I listen with a smile on my teary face as your guests insist that we look at this---that we see---that we wake up. Maybe we will.
What is barely referenced to, but is a huge part of sexual abuse and the guilt that comes along with it for the abused, is the shameful confusing feelings many of these vicitims feel regarding their own sexual responses in these horrible situations. Our bodies can respond sexually at a very young age, and without any understanding of the involuntary nature of these feelings, a child is likely to feel incredibly confused and very ashamed that on some level these advances somehow "feel good." I wish that psychologists would bring this out more. I think that is why so many abused kids refuse to ever say anything. I also understand that to talk about any involuntary arousal a kid might experience somehow seems grotesque. The very last thing we would ever want is for these sick perverts to think their victims really are "enjoying" the abuse. I wish we talked about this aspect of the topic even more openly.
Kathleen:"Why is it that people do not believe them?"
Because of the McMartin Daycare case in 1983 and the rash of simular
sensational cases during the 1980's - http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Day-care_sex-abuse_hysteria .
Most of the "abusers" and "devil worshippers" in these cases were convicted and then freed when clearer heads reconsidered their cases on appeal.
Oh what a show today,thank you.
The guest Doctor is so very right in so many ways.
Your show was very moving and brave.
We hope this dark cultural secret of child abuse,molestation and rape stays a top talking point. Talking is the way to bring everything to the light even if we have to lock up our priests , coaches and favorite personalities. The Doc was so right when he said the worst effect is the silence,distrust and denial from family and friends,on top of the abuse comes the disaffection of those we call loved ones.
Recently in Texas a father caught a local man abusing his 4yr daughter upstairs during a party,he beat the man to death,was remorseful and so far not charged....our question is "do you think the local man's family are relieved more than remorseful ? " ........ thank you NPR
Don't worry we will. Like the Doc said...if a major case like this and the Priest issue doesn't shake things up what will ? Just imagine what cultures like the Middle east are like. Sometimes I think the human gene pool has been affected by war, where over hundreds of years brave men have died and cowards stayed at home and bred.
Ms. Rehm, thank you for covering this important topic. There are some that minimize the number of child abuse crimes in our society. Conservative figures state that approximately 15% to 25% of women and 5% to 15% of men were sexually abused when they were children. Some studies have found much higher numbers.
Some talk about hysteria or panic in the 1980s or 1990s, citing the famous McMartin case. The reality was that in this case tunnels were found that backed up the children's stories of abuse. Many of the children had physical symptoms of being abused. The case was a hard fought case with hung juries and a retrial. The majority of the jurors in the McMartin case believed the children were abused. Many of the other cases in this era had clear evidence of child abuse and some of the verdicts have been upheld until this day.
For years, people denied the clergy abuse crisis.
Sandusky was allowed to reportedly abuse children for years. The reality is that child abuse is a major problem in our society. Denial will only make the problem worse.
As a 8 year old child & victim of sexual abuse, thank you for the show. Everything associated with male to male sexual abuse that was discussed has pertained to my reality. There are so many layers of communication that can be misunderstood, it's boggles the mind. The more that we openly discuss these types of topics, the better. Love the show...
I would like to hear the view of professionals in this field about those who are accused of CSA who then have, (what I believe is a common), reaction of fixed denial.
How can Sandusky live under this spotlight, and show up in court with a smile on his face, if he is guilty? (I believe he is guilty, but I'm not on the jury listening to evidence.)
Is this possibly because we teach males to deny any crime/failing? If they are guilty, why do they go so far to defend themselves?
What commonly happens in our justice system if they admit the crime and ask for help?
Thank you for this high-quality interview. It raises the level of conversation and can lead to greater protection for children from sexual abuse.
Julie Golden
http://vagilantes.com/
It is never too late to find your voice and speak out. I only recently found my voice after decades of silence. I was abused by family members, left home at the age of 12 and was then found by traffickers and trafficked on the streets of New York for 8 years. If my abuse had been addressed and validated maybe, maybe I would not have been a walking target for traffickers and predators who target damaged children like I was.
I am happy to feel a slight change in the air in regards to the publics feeling about trafficked teenagers and children, instead of calling them teenage prostitutes and child prostitutes, I am hearing the correct term more lately, trafficked teens and children. I hope that with more survivors speaking out about their abuse and educating the public this attitude will continue.
www.barbaraamaya.com
I agree that school systems need to take a serious look at this issue because these types of cases happen more and more. I think schools should be educating the adults who work there to know the signs of sexual abuse and neglect. If a teacher sees that the child is suffering from this type of abuse, they can hold a counseling session with the school's therapist to get to the bottom of it. Most kids do tell the truth when they are confronted about the situation.
http://www.kosnoff.com has helped many of these children fight to reclaim their lives.
Thank you so much for this information. I have twin daughters that I am constantly worried about. I want to be able to protect them from sexual assault, and other awful things as much as possible. These are helpful tips. Thanks again! http://www.mississaugacriminallawyer.net