Efforts to Deal With Bullying
http://thedianerehmshow.org/shows/2012-03-15/efforts-deal-bullying
Thirteen million kids in the US will be bullied this year. This according to the new documentary “Bully.” It’s one of two films drawing attention to the issue. The other film, “Speak Up!” was screened yesterday before a DC middle school with Health and Human Services Secretary Kathleen Sebelius on hand. Psychologists say bullying can lead to a cycle of violence and suicide. Some in the medical field say it has become a public health issue. The director of “Bully” and one of the teenagers featured in the film join the panel of experts to discuss new efforts to deal with bullying.
Guests
Kelby Johnson
a gay teenager from Oklahoma whose story is featured in the documentary "Bully."
Lee Hirsch
Sundance- and Emmy-award winning filmmaker, directed the documentary "Bully."
Dr. Joseph Wright
pediatrician, senior vice president, Child Health Advocacy Institute at Children's National Medical Center.
Duane Thomas
practicing therapist in Baltimore, Maryland, assistant professor, Applied Psychology and Human Development Division of the Graduate School of Education at the University of Pennsylvania, and a consultant to the documentary "Speak Up!"
Related Video
"Bully" Trailer:
Comments
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I was bullied constantly in middle and high school; I was the shy, quiet type. My parents where always there for me with hugs, understanding and hope. They taught me to do the right thing by ignoring them and even smiling at them. I never took what they said to heart and I never lashed out my tormentors or tried to hurt myself because of it. I was never the victim of assault.
I can only imagine the lives children have to live now. Bullies now seem meaner and more physically aggressive. I can only hope their parents set a positive example, as mine did, by staying level-headed and compassionate.
Back in the 1970's, to late 1980's, I was an easy target for bullies.
On a quite a few occasions, I ran away from school. On at least two occasions, I retaliated by punching the tormentor.
Back then, the idiotic school systems', went by 'sticks and stones will break my bones, but names will never hurt me'.
They still go by that moronic statement to.
Could anyone talk about being bullied in the workplace by female co-workers? I'm dealing with a person who is relentless. I want to find a way to make her stop.
Do the extreme actions of a few really merit a new national program?
Growing up is hard. Let the children and the parents sort it out.
No new "regulations" on conduct because of the few not-so-good apples.
And as for the work place - that is what human resources is supposed to be about.
I agree with Plum no new rules needed, they will not work. I was a popular kid up until age 9. we started to move around a lot. Being shy or whatever, I was bullied relentlessly. My parents only offered reminders of their disappointment in me, to think I could have asked for help from anyone was only another avenue for more humiliation. No one pities the bullied in fact the opposite occurs, the sooner you learn your on your own the better. The other kids either laugh or are indifferent, I don't think I would be any different if the roles were reversed. If I could advise a bullied kid now I would tell them to thrash out physically any way you can, don't take any B.S. from anyone. Much better to be feared as crazy than made fun of. A punch in the face goes a long way no matter what the odds to get a bully and their companions off your back as I have learned the hard way. If you can't do that, tear the place apart. I am never surprised when I hear about school shootings, I am surprised there aren't more of them. The internal rage you get from being bullied never leaves you, although successful in life a wrong look from a stranger still activates my war blood and I'm ready to go.
The trend in much of american education is to over-protect children from any negativity in this world. No games where there are winners and losers, no dodgeball, nothing where a child can learn that sometimes they won't succeed and learn to deal with it.
Growing up, I was the victim of bullying and various times in my life and it was terrible, but I feel that I'm a stronger person for having had that experience.
Is bullying today that much different than it was 20 years ago or are children now so much more fragile and over-protected that they no longer know how to cope with any negativity?
Thanks for covering this - I was not physically bullied quite so much but the verbal abuse coming from both boys and girls in school, particularly middle school was quite difficult to deal with.
Fortunately I found (or really had) music to pull me out and carry me on - Probably why most music means so much to me today.
Diane can you please ask Mr. Hirsch if he plans to edit his movie in order to get a PG-13 rating versus it's current R rating? There is a young lady from my town of Ann Arbor who has started a campaign to get the MPAA to change the rating of Bully from R to PG-13. Does Mr. Hirsch support her efforts? Thank you!
http://www.annarbor.com/news/johnny-depp-meryl-streep-join-ann-arbor-tee...
Right off the bat you asked your first guest and then later your second guest why they think they were bullied. Would you ask a woman who was raped or a child who was sexually molested why they think this happened to them? When you asked your guests this you implied that somehow it was their fault. I don't think this was intentional on you part but clearly at some unconscious level you blame the victim. Shame on you, Diane!
Bully's are lazy and cowardly. If a modest amount of personal physical defense were taught, bullying would cost the bully and a lot of it would stop. I was beaten daily until I started hitting back with any thing close at hand, and as one antagonist put it "beating you up is like putting a cigarette out on my hand, I know I can do it but it just doesn't feel good."
I was never bullied and for the most part have always been a live and let live kind of person. I do think in this day and age someone who constantly mistreats another person on a regular basis is inviting retribution or even disaster. Bad part is the prevalence of guns. Not even sure where I want to go with this comment. I just wish we all could treat each other better instinctively.
To jeanie herron. Google Workplace Mobbing, to get started. This is very serious stuff here, and if you are the target of a mobbing you need to take it very seriously. Your mental and physical health could be at risk.
Sadly personal departments and management in general are usually useless in these matters, especially in the current job market. They are quite content to have the target of the mobbing quit rather than taking action against the bully and her mob.
So here we are, in the era of weak families, weak school principals, and weak police forces. I long for the larger, more tribal families of the 1930's, when a victim of bullying would tell his older brothers or his uncles about it. Those brother or uncles would wait for the bully along his route home from school, pull him into an alley, and beat the living CRAP out of him.... often with the neighborhood cop standing guard in the mouth of the alley. And that would be that.
I believe bullying has increased because schools are so big, and children are moved from school to school due to redistricting. Teachers and students do not know what is going on and lack interest because they don't really know each other.
In addition, children often do not attend neighborhood schools, so are not connected to each other in social ways.
And on a final note, I believe that we are paying MORE ATTENTION to the pain and suffering of all people in our society, which is part of improving life for everyone.
From the audio clip with Cole.....wow that is the most OUT OF TOUCH principal i have ever heard should be embarrassed and demoted or even fired. what an awful intervention!
GIrls are the worst. Mental anguish and abuse. My daughter was bullied from the day she started school in Houston in 6th grade. The "Queen Bee" would say she (and others) dressed weird, or turn the girls against each other, or make fun of them in P.E. Most girls were bullied by her, but all the girls were trying to stay on her good side - she was "cool" so they wouldn't tell about it or challenge her. This caused these girls to be anxious every day at school. I talked to the principal, who promised to do something. I talked to the teachers, who would feign half hearted efforts. They would say "all children have good hearts". They wanted to put the victims with the perpetrator. The bully is able to verbalize and twist reality right in front of the grownups. They never do it so grownups can see.
You can't imagine the personality change my daughter went through - happy, healthy, sweet. Became sad, anxious, wary.
Don't make the victim more of a victim.
As a parent, I am screaming at my radio: " WHy don't these parents take remove their children from this toxic environment?" there are always other options: online classes, homeschooling, private schooling, moving to another public school. If your child is getting threatened, it is the parents' responsibility to intervene.
The teacher I'm hearing right now isn't listening. "We were good friends and then he started bullying me".
Bullies want dominance.
Teachers want dominance.
Being vulnerable and letting the child be right. Considering that first then asking the child how she/he the teacher can help him feel safe would be a first good step.
It is fairly well understood that "trauma seeks to reproduce itself" and the outcome of "bullying" is certainly tragic. It seems however, that several things are overlooked. 1) What trauma occurred in the life of the bully that they need to reproduce it in the life and another. It is almost as if what happened to the bully is ignored and all they are told is to stop. No effort is made to heal the bully. 2) Those who are bullied have been nurtured in such a way (to be brief) that they find bullying acceptable. That is the well understood maladaptive schemas often nurtured in childrens homes are not challenged.
As one who was bullied, I think that a lot of the problem came from the society of the public school I went to. I didn't have any social problems outside of school. I am worried at the ease with which the problem of bullying is defined as kids being cruel to one another. But the social situation in which kids are cruel, is often created by the social structure of the school. I'd like to hear about that.
OMG that clip with the school principal is like a snapshot of my son's struggle with a quick-fix focussed male Principal and VP at his Jr.High and 7th grade bullying this year. He stopped trusting them, and so have I. I would love to screen this documentary with these men in the room.
What about the parents of 'bullies'? I am not sure that bullying per se is more prevalent but, I think excuses for behaviour are.
We had a 'bullying' situation where we actually confronted the parents. The one who would speak with us in person went from denial, to rationalizing, 'All 5th grade girls do this.', to 'What you are describing is a bully.' The result was that our child was ostracized in the neighborhood. She was brave when she came to us and told us what was happening but, she (and we) was blamed for saying something. The parent said many things and the gist of much of it was that yes, this was happening but, we should have kept it to ourselves and just dissapeared. The parent, by the way, is a school teacher.
I have heard this before and it baffles me: 'All _____ grade boys/girls do this.' when describing behaviour that our parents would have put a stop to immediately, if not yesterday.
The prevalent issue that I see is a lack on many parent's part to set boundaries and then enforce them. I know it's hard to do and it is tiring but, I see it as vital. And, lacking.
That clip you played with the administrator and the student, Cole, was disgusting. That administrator is herself a bully, that's why she doesn't understand Cole's distress.
What about the parents of the bullyers? Where are they? When I was growing up my parents taught me it was very very wrong to think less of people because they were different from me, let alone to say or do anything to them because of those differences. This lesson extended to race, disability and the way people talked or looked.
My daughter at the age of 14 had been raped and it was reported to police, but her best friend told everyone at school. She then became a target of harassment bulling and horrible abuse from parents and children. The school knew I would show them letters and report all this to the pricipals and NOTHING WAS EVER done to stop it or protect her. They would taunt her so much at school she would have anxiety attacks.
We went through a lot for 3 years lying runnning away and drinking. She was in counciling .Then after a while she just threw herself into school and sports graduated a year early got away from our town,and is a very strong caring woman of 23. It makes me sick how parents do not pay attention to the way that they or their children treat other human beings.
Both of my girls have always been taught to treat others with respect as do I. Parents lead by example. My heart goes out to anyone that is being Bullied. It is a terrible human disease when someone starts spreads and feeds hate for ANY REASON.
I was bullied from second grade through high school. Then I became a teacher and I was a lot more sensitive to the black sheep in the clasroom than other teachers. One of my rules was everyone was to be called by their own name, no nicknames, which avoided which names were offensive.
Teachers have to be role models for showing a no tolerance stance toward bullying.
One student was threatened with rape by another. The school administrators called the police and the bully was made to understand that if they threats didn't stop immediatley, he would be arrested. He was twelve.
Diane's third question was "why do you think you were bullied" I almost hit my head on my trucks ceiling I jumped out of my seat. Was so pleased that Lee reacted and said to Diane "that was the wrong question to ask" More than wrong. Offensive, abusive really. Would Diane ask a rape victim "why do you think you were raped" or to someone who has been beaten "why do you think you were beaten" Then Diane had the gall to ask the other guest the same question. Is Diane so unaware that this is the question most often asked by teachers, administrators. Diane really needed to read more about this issue. But generally Diane is a bit more sensitive and applies her intellect. Not this time. Diane needs to apologize. Her guest can not tell her what they really think. She has the power and they are on her show. Honestly ask them if they found that comment terribly offensive and insensitive?
The bully themselves are not being explained, it's easy to say their cowards and that could be true. But I would say mostly their not, they are not the victims of abuse either. Their just cruel, the kind of people that behind closed doors that would torture small animals.
After spending a year trying to get rid of an athletic director who had been verbally abusing students with sexually verbal comments (turned out touch was involved also) etc I can not tell you how many students who had been verbally abused by this high school official I asked "why is it that you did not report this" Over 30 students that I talked with said "because nothing would be done" NOTHING WOULD BE DONE. THEY ALL READY KNEW THIS.
The students and parents who had reported this to upper level school officials were brushed off even after they would put in written reports. Nothing was done until I put together a group of parents who were well connected in our community. Knew that they would not listen to me as a single parent. finally we were able to get rid of this athletic director. But he was just moved to another school district. That is a summary of the story. But it is common that parents and officials are complicit in bullying continuing even when it comes to school officials who do the bullying.
@Steve on Plum
If the parents would take appropriate action to stop the bullying there might be no need to have new rules. There are too many young people killing themselves surrounded by bullies.
There is an old addage, "the apple doesn't fall far from the tree", in most cases the bullies have parents who are bullies, and they will not see this as a problem.
Something must be done to stop this epidemic of children killing themselves because they are bullied to death.