Efforts to Deal With Bullying
http://thedianerehmshow.org/shows/2012-03-15/efforts-deal-bullying
Thirteen million kids in the US will be bullied this year. This according to the new documentary “Bully.” It’s one of two films drawing attention to the issue. The other film, “Speak Up!” was screened yesterday before a DC middle school with Health and Human Services Secretary Kathleen Sebelius on hand. Psychologists say bullying can lead to a cycle of violence and suicide. Some in the medical field say it has become a public health issue. The director of “Bully” and one of the teenagers featured in the film join the panel of experts to discuss new efforts to deal with bullying.
Guests
Kelby Johnson
a gay teenager from Oklahoma whose story is featured in the documentary "Bully."
Lee Hirsch
Sundance- and Emmy-award winning filmmaker, directed the documentary "Bully."
Dr. Joseph Wright
pediatrician, senior vice president, Child Health Advocacy Institute at Children's National Medical Center.
Duane Thomas
practicing therapist in Baltimore, Maryland, assistant professor, Applied Psychology and Human Development Division of the Graduate School of Education at the University of Pennsylvania, and a consultant to the documentary "Speak Up!"
Related Video
"Bully" Trailer:
Comments
Please familiarize yourself with our Code of Conduct and Terms of Use before posting your comments.
How can we expect our kids to not act out on the fears and anxieties towards the "other," when there is so much contempt and disrespect and violence in the adult world? Our politicians use smear adds and disparage the characters of his/her opponents, and yet one of these people will be elected to office and will need to "work" with further hostile elected officials. The old school response of hitting back, using force to beat back aggression and fear, does NOT educate anyone! WE need to foster a National CULTURE of tolerance and acceptance of All types of kids and people. There is such a strong drive towards conformity, on so many levels, in our society-it is not sustainable (if you want to think of it as a 'cultural ecology'). You had a show yesterday about changing the brain/mind. We, as educated adults, can help our country (especially our children) learn better ways to interact and learn skills of resiliency and how to be happy!
Adults are bullies too – how else do children learn it? -- and bullying occurs far too often in the work place, where it is ignored just as it is in the schools.
Having spent more of my own career in private sector than public, after ten years in Federal service I can also say that bullying seems more prevalent in the Federal workplace.
It is ironic that the topic comes today because a close friend sent an article just yesterday from the Post by Federal Coach -- a follow-up to an earlier piece -- on the prevalence of bullying in government. Women’s History Month aside, statistics show that -- as another comment here noted -- women are more often the supervisory bully, and women are more often bullied.
That matches my own experience in my first Federal job, where our small department of 9-12 people got a new supervisor who turned out to be an extreme bully, that bully herself had a misogynist bully for her Chief. After the bully arrived, the office experienced more than 200% turnover of staff during the next two years, transformed from many years of stability. The impact on the workforce ran the gamut of ignored, unnoticed, and tolerated by the rest of management. Eight years later, the bully’s reward was, finally – A PROMOTION. Fortunately, the bully was promoted to a non-supervisory position.
But at no point was there intervention, or meaningful help of any kind, either to those bullied or to the bullies themselves. The work place is not a therapy clinic but ignoring the bullying wreaks havoc in personal lives, and truly deeply impacts productivity.
In 1944 at North Dallas High I was a student. The disruptions of WWII caused huge disruptions, people separated, new to town, etc. Dallas was a town of gangs, e.g. Lakewood Rats, Knox Street Rats, rich and poor. Bullying was everywhere.
In such a setting it is idiocy to talk about letting the children settle it. Our teachers were afraid of the students. Parents took various views.
One time I was jumped by a gang of ten or more. It starts with teasing to the point of fisticuffs. If the victim loses, he loses; if he wins, he loses, because a couple of watchers will pile on. The end will always be all piling on. The occasion is memorable because a popular girls was watching and started yelling at the gang and shaming them; some other girls joined her, and they were shamed into stopping. I was able to walk home, due to the courage of a girl. Later on a young man, a senior, did something similar. He let a gang know that they should stop. (Not on me, but on others)
The cowardly faculty did nothing. Two brave students cut it in half or more.
When my kids switched from an alternative school where conflict resolution was a huge focus and bullying was generally not tolerated they were shocked by the way not only how kids treated each other at the public middle school but that teachers tolerated the bullying. They witnessed teachers tolerating bullying. Now thank goodness my daughters stood up for those who were bullied but did not get much support for standing up for others. But school officials and teachers tolerate this type of behavior. It is systemic.
When our leaders use bullying language and behavior and actions how much do your guest think that bullying is at an epidemic level in our country? How much of the bullying at the top of our country trickles down? I think a great deal
It is the new hipper intolerance that is pervasive in every aspect of or society.
lcms, I can't even begin to count the number of times I heard that idotic phrase when I was a victim of bullying during the 90s. In the school where I work now, it goes even beyond tollerating verbal bullying. I have heard a teacher tell a kid to stop "tatteling" when another kid throws another kid's backpack on the floor.
I recently witnessed a gang of middle school boys yelling insults at another boy as he got off the school bus. They were call him "chunky monkey" among other things. These kids were doing this not 20 feet from me and my husband. Our presence did nothing to curtail their behavior. I wanted to intervene but I did not know what to do. Is there anything a well-meaning adult can do in a situation like this that would acutally be effective? The kids live in my neighborhood but I do not know them or their parents are, so I cannot report them.
I was interested to hear parts of this show. A few months ago, there was a day at my children's' school that they brought someone in to speak to the students about bullying. I was extremely disappointed when my children came home and told me that the example of bullying that was given to the younger grades was if you invited everyone but one person to your party, then that was bullying. Really?? I believe that does the whole topic of bullying a great disservice. I was able to have conversations with my children and at a parent forum later about how we need to teach our children to look out for each other and stand up for each other.
North Carolina legislators had tried to introduce legislation to support schools in dealing with bullying. The Catholic bishop and our own pastor spoke out against this legislation because they felt that it "promoted" gay issues as socially acceptable. I am a retired middle school teacher, but I saw many examples of bullying by students and teachers towards students who acted differently. They had many problems, not necessarily gender-based; however, too often the bullies saw these as gender issues. I was so disappointed and angry when my religious leaders spoke without compassion!!
I went through a brief phase around 8th grade when I was a bully. I was in a small Catholic school and we had less than 10 girls in our class. I was always taller than most kids and some girls thought of me as bossy. People who know me now as an adult can't imagine me having been a bully. I'm a trained psychotherapist now, so I've examined what might have brought that behavior out in me at that time. I realize now that I was very anxious and insecure, especially socially at that age. I also received a lot of criticism at home from my mother and not a lot of support or help in my emotional development. Bullied at home.
Some bullies may have a more serious developing personality disorders. But some bullies, like me at that age, may have been helped by very direct intervention and support, to boost coping and social skills, and build self esteem. And receive consequences for behavior.
I went through a brief phase around 8th grade when I was a bully. I was in a small Catholic school and we had less than 10 girls in our class. I was always taller than most kids and some girls thought of me as bossy. People who know me now as an adult can't imagine me having been a bully. I'm a trained psychotherapist now, so I've examined what might have brought that behavior out in me at that time. I realize now that I was very anxious and insecure, especially socially at that age. I also received a lot of criticism at home from my mother and not a lot of support or help in my emotional development. Bullied at home.
Some bullies may have a more serious developing personality disorders. But some bullies, like me at that age, may have been helped by very direct intervention and support, to boost coping and social skills, and build self esteem. And receive consequences for behavior.
Kathleen, how did your childrens first school prevent the bullying?
As a teenager I was a bully, it is something that I have been and will always be ashamed of. A few months after my bullying reached its most reprehensible I attempted suicide. I do not write this as a call to sympathy for bullies but rather to suggest that those who bully have serious problems that need to be addressed. Rather than blaming the victims who courageously survive through being verbally and physically attacked and asking why they thought they were bullied, the real question needs to be why do children become bullies and how do we stop them from getting to the point where they feel like it is right or okay to menace others.
When parents and teachers do not advocate for children that are bullied we run a serious risk of loosing the children that are bullied to suicide, drug and alcohol abuse and also become bullies themselves in situations when they feel comfortable or dominant. Parents of bullies also need to be held responsible for their children's actions. And teachers and principles need to take action after a student has come to them or a students parent about allegations of bullying. And why are the youth that are bullied treated like its their fault, they are usually the ones that are told to calm down or can't they just get a long? Which is basically like being mocked by the adult you are trying to reach out to for help.
Your panel touched on the roll of teachers in stopping bullying, I have found through the years of my children and grandchild, teachers often facilitate bullying. The teacher who belittle the ADD child has been a common pattern.
I would like this addressed more often.
Ginger Hula
I was in public schools in the 1960s. My son started in a 2009. What a difference!. In 1960 the teacher turned to the bully and told them to stop it and provided soothing and protection to the victim. Any fighting on school property was immediately addressed, and the bully was held responsible.
In 2009, my son first encountered a sly bully in kindergarten. It was dealt with almost exactly like the example form the film played in today's show- no consequences. The bully smirked and "upped - the -ante."
With us, the teachers would not even acknowledge there could possibly be a problem or a need to watch for a problem! Or shrug their shoulders and say "they are not a very nice family."
My son, reacted. He became morose. He started fighting back. But when he tried to protect himself, he was the one in trouble!- (An anathema to the 6yo sense of fairness.) My child quickly started to develop a hatred and disdain of authority.
We yanked him out and put him in a private school, because we had the resources. He is now growing up to be a fine young man.
Barbara Coloroso (amazing advocate!!!) who wrote Bullies and Bystanders... says this is not uncommon. Because - if the school admits there is bullying going on, then they legally are compelled to do something about it.
This situation leaves me with multiple concerns. what is gained by blaming the victim? Are we training a generation of "Spartans?" Would watching "Leave it to Beaver" reruns improve staff recognition of the characteristics of bullies?
@claygirl74 - Your comment is extremely important. Continue to voice it.
A few people have mentioned parents. I think this is key. The woman who called and told about her daughter talked about the Principal attempting to stop it by punishing the bullies, but I think s/he should have called in the parents. You have to involve the families, the whole community, the bystanders, everyone.
Everyday I ask my children "how was your day", as well as
1. is there anyone being picked on
2. is anyone having trouble in the class or on the bus
3. how are you interacting with your friends
It is everyone's responsibility to make sure that we check our own children's behavior as well as set the standard and model how to interact with everyone to prevent bullying.
Hi....Insult to injury.... Bullied daily on the way toCatholic school in the 1960's. Upon arrival I was whipped by a nun for "fighting", then when I got home I was beaten by parents for having ripped or bloody clothes.
Glad you have this show, will support the film. Thanks
My brother was bullied beginning in elementary school in the 1970's and I was forced to participate in his abuse by the bullys - I feel very, very guilty for doing this...it seemed never to stop! It happened at school, on the bus and in our neighborhood - THAT WAS OVER 20 YEARS AGO...IT MUST STOP! I am a parent of two boys and I teach them every day about the "golden rule" Treat others as you would want to be treated yourself!.
Don't start blaming guns, guns are the great equalizer against criminal adult bullies. A small woman can take out the most aggressive sexual or home invading bully with a single pull of the trigger.
Why do people feel they must keep their child in a school that doesn't protect their children? My son was being bullied and I took him out of that school and put him in a small private school. If I couldn't afford it I would have homeschooled. I would move. I don't care - why leave him in a dangerous place?
I am a former elementary guidance counselor and have been retired for many years. One thing I notice in our culture is how often public figures and politiciansuse bully tactics. I am appalled with these figures in society.The main teachers of our children are leaders, parents , role models and the movies and the media. Change needs to happen in these areas. Bullying tactics are a choice! Alllowing oneself to be bullied is also a choice. We need to teach our children to make the best choice.
I am 66 years old and lived with bullying throughout my school years. Mine was mostly mental and social rather than physical.
I completed my education and started teaching middle school and found that the administration had almost no sympathy for those being bullied. Administrators are, in a lot of systems, ex-athletes, ex-military or ex-coaches. These WERE the bullies when I went to school! No wonder they don't understand the problem! Maybe school boards are hiring the wrong people as administrators.
Please consider that all bullying is not peer bullying. When I was a child and young adult it was my father who constantly bullied me. The effects were similar to those the people on your show...but I went home to it every night instead of to a safe place.
I have a 15 year old daughter whom we have had to remove from school because the school would not do anything for our daughter nor punish those responsible for the bullying. Granted our child is not perfect but she did not deserve the verbal abuse, threats, intimidation and suicide attempts. The schools do not do enough to help curb this problem nor help the parents deal with it. This is not just kids being kids!
My granddaughter has been verbally and emotionly bullied since kindergarten. The school made a lot of promises but did nothing.
The parents of the child said their child would never do those things
even though other students spoke up and said they witnessed the
her behavoil. My granddaughter has been raised to treat others
the way you want to be treated and this is very upsetting to her.
She is trying to avoid the other girl but every chance she gets the
other girl verbally attacks my granddaughter. We are trying to help
deal with this. The other mother did tell my granddaughter several
times that that is just the way her daughter is and we have to igmore
her behavoir and just do what she wants. The mother is more of a
best friend than mother.
"Frankenstein" is a good classic with a bullying theme. Unlike the film version, Mary Shelley's monster is intelligent and articulate. The horrible way he is treated--bullied and ostricized--is tragic. The community doesn't understand him and is afraid to get to know him. In his pain and isolation, he threatens to keep killing.
The bullying cycle can be curbed if parents and educators adjust their perspective about the issue. In most cases the "target" or the child being bullied becomes the center of attention and sympathy while the bully is chastised or punished. The bully is hardly if ever looked at as the victim. Their behavior is learned behavior and can only be effectively addressed by going to the root of the problem. Bullies aren't born, they're made.
In no way do I want to make light of what the "target" has experienced. I do believe that they require and should get all of the attention necessary to help them work through the pain and the stress that they are experiencing. I feel that both the bully and the target need this kind of attention. In two cases that I can personally speak for, that approach has made all the difference.
I have made a short film entitled "The Turtle & The Nightingale" geared toward middle school children that is currently playing on HBO. It addresses many of the concerns associated with the issue but, within a middle school context. I believe that "Bully" needs to be seen by parents and educators - especially - so that they can see the depths of this issue and hopefully develop the perspective and tools necessary to end this cycle. While the R-rating may be supported in some circles, a PG-13 would more than likely allow parents and educators to watch this film with the children and instigate a meaningful dialogue.