Adoptees using DNA to find family.
http://thedianerehmshow.org/shows/2012-01-26/adoptees-using-dna-find-family
Adult adoptees are turning to DNA tests and social media to find biological family members and trace their roots: balancing privacy with the need to know.
Adult adoptees looking for their birth parents have often faced significant challenges, especially in states with sealed records. But there’s a powerful new tool: DNA tests. The growing interest in using DNA samples to trace family roots is translating into an ever larger trove of information adoptees can tap into for their own more immediate family questions. The process can be frustrating and emotionally challenging, and connections revealed can raise new and unwelcome questions for both adoptees and their biological families: Using DNA to help adoptees find out with whom they share a genetic link.
Guests
Deborah Riley
executive director, The Center for Adoption Support and Education, Inc.
Bennett Greenspan
CEO, Family Tree DNA
Kimberly Leighton
Assistant Professor of Philosophy at American University
Comments
Please familiarize yourself with our Code of Conduct and Terms of Use before posting your comments.
This episode struck a chord with me. It remains my strong observation that over the years increased public awareness, better education, and a trend nationwide toward open adoptions all have coalesced to remove any imprimatur of shame historically associated with placing a child for adoption. Indeed, any “scarlet letter” has been lifted with the advent of open adoption. Today, there are more resources than ever for finding one’s birth family. Across our country, the laws are changing too, and in favor of open adoption. For adoptees in Florida of legal age (read 18), there is Florida’s Adoption Reunion Registry, an excellent starting point to search for one’s birth parent.
The message, though, of adoption in the 21st century is not a yarn of secrets and lies. One’s family of origin need not be a dirty tale to be kept in a lockbox for decades. We should elevate and advance further the discussion of open adoption. In turn, we not only will melt away stereotypes and grow adoption awareness, but we also will be the sea change, the seismic shift, so that these decisions of the heart bask in the warm ray of sunshine, secret shames no longer and never again.
Jeanne T. Tate jeanne@jtatelaw.com
Thank you for covering this topic, and I love your show! What surprised me the most in the discussion was the creation of so much fear around searching for biological relatives. There was fear around the issue of protecting the anonymity and privacy of birth mothers. Most birth mothers that I've spoken to or read about would choose to connect with their child. Most did not request anonymity - it was a part of the legal system. There was fear around the reaction of the person who was adopted "being rejected a second time" by a birth parent who did not desire contact. He or she was not rejected the first time; adoption is not about rejection. The assumption seemed to be that we need to avoid the complex emotions around adoption because someone might be upset. It assumes an emotional fragility that I don't think exists for most. Yes, it is complex, and it will be emotional. There are support systems to help. And the vast majority of people who search are not invasive stalkers. They are simply people looking for the answers to questions that those who were not adopted can have answered very easily. Connecting expands lives. It allows people to work through the limiting beliefs they might have about having been adopted or having placed a child for adoption. We make up so much about what things mean and base our lives on those limiting beliefs (such as "I was rejected" or "I don't deserve to have another child"). Making connections can be the beginning of a great journey. And, by the way, I was adopted.
Thank-you for having the show and telling about the DNA. As an adoptee I have strong feelings and logical arguments for providing adoptees their Original Birth Certificates. I can somewhat accept that silence may be done while a person is below legal age. But I am really angry that as an adult (now 63) that the state still treats me as as a minor by denying me what all others have - what their true birth is and official record. I was able to use public records and social media to re-connect with my biological family. I have both my biological and adoptee families now. Really cool. No thanks to the government. I discovered that I came from fine families that helped build this nation from the colonial period. I was cut off from this because my parents had substance abuse problems and the state cut me out. Fortunately the families did accepted me back in once I did the research. It helped ease my bio mothers mind, to bring all her living children together as she neared the end of her life. I want to be legally recognized as being part of my biological family. Is that too much to ask for? I also, am grateful to the family that adopted me. Lets be open and honest.
Diane,
I have to say that for the first time I am disappointed in your moderation. You allowed your guests to talk about adoptees looking for their "actual family." The family they were adopted into is their "actual" family. The birth family is the birth family, not in some way the "real" family.
Also, to say that a child was "given up" for adoption is very hurtful. To place a child for adoption is not easy. It is not the abandonment of a child. Rather, it is a heart-rending decision made by these women to give their child more than they can ever provide.
I am the mother of an adopted child. She is the joy of our life. We have a wonderful and open relationship with her birthmom. I would highly recommend an open relationship in the adoption experience if at all possible. However, our daughter understands that we are "actually" her family. To imply otherwise is to denigrate the bonds of love, strength, sacrifice, and joy that we share together.
Biological parents were NEVER given any kind of promise of anonymity or privacy. At least in my state, if a child is not adopted and stays in foster care, the records are never sealed and the child could easily get their original birth certificate with the birth parents names on it. The privacy is a myth that must be debunked.
We adoptees have more than just "curiosity". We have a right to know who gave birth to us, our heritage, and any diseases that run in our families. We have a right to our real birth certificates just like anyone else. The discrimination must stop!
The issue of "confidentiality" or more particularly, perpetual anonymity, is a fallacy. Legally, there is no agency or person - government or private - who can make such a promise (with the exception of the Witness Protection Program which must pass strict judicial examination and approval). For one thing, it is impossible to guarantee that a child will be adopted (and thus the original birth certificate [OBC] sealed). And, as the birth certificate is sealed *only* upon the event of adoption, OBCs are always available for people who are not adopted or whose adoption failed. In fact, however, for every parent who claims they were promised anonymity, I will bring you hundreds who begged for some assurance - and were *promised* - that their children would learn their personal birth information when they became 18. These false promises have led to more heartache as mothers wait in vain to hear from adopted sons/daughters who are denied their information. The real statistics are that more than 95% of mothers are happy to be found and look forward to a continuing relationship with their sons/daughters lost to adoption. For the very few who do not wish to be contacted, a "contact preference form" can be made available. All people, relinquishing parents included, are entitled to the same privacy rights as every other citizen - no more, no less. And all people, adoptees included, should be entitled to the right to their personal birth information (OBC) - no more, no less. Justice, equality, and fairness demand equal rights for all.
For additional information on "promises" and threats made to mothers of loss to adoption, please see "Why Isn't My Mother Looking For Me?" at www.priscillasharp.org
Your daughter has two *real* mothers and two *real* fathers. She has a biological family and a life family. To pretend otherwise is to open yourself up for a lifetime of jealousy and insecurity.
More than 1.5 million of us mothers from the '40s to the '70s did not have a choice. We did not "place" our babies for adoption; we did not "make an adoption plan." We went where we were told to go; we did what we were told to do; we signed what we were told too sign, and, if we refused, our babies were taken anyway.
We were forced to give birth without celebration and endure our loss without grieving.
Mother of Loss to Adoption
Search Angel/Genealogist/Adoptee Rights Advocate
Most people need to know where they come from in order to make sense of how they belong in this world; I believe that the right to know who your parents are, who your ancestors are, is a fundamental human right, a civil right. However, adoptees are denied access to their own birth certificates in all but 6 states in the US. To that end, I am working for open birth certificates in all 50 states, that we might once and for all put the closed adoption system behind us. I am songwriter, and I have written a CD called The Foundling, it's the story of one adoptees harrowing journey into self acceptance.
Here's a link to the UTUBE live concert channel of songs from The Foundling. http://www.youtube.com/user/thefoundlingfilms
With all of the family secrets that DNA testing can uncover, why all the fuss about adoptees searching for genetic connections? All of these issues must be handled with sensitivity and discretion when they are uncovered. Why are adoptees singled out as needing "professional help" in dealing with something that, quite frankly, is not a surprise to them? We've had years to read up on the subject of reunion.
I can't say the same for two first cousins who find out they aren't related. Are people going to insist that the cousins back off and let things lie, or perhaps require them to hire confidential intermediaries to handle those difficult conversations with their parents and other family members? I doubt it.
Why is it different with adoptees?
Actually, all of you are your adopted daughters family.
Diane, I am a female adoptee born in 1956 in Binghamton, NY. NY State has not joined the seven other more progressive states to date, who have changed their laws. The best "Adoptee Rights" bills have been passed in states like Oregon and Maine, and Rhode Island (to name a few) who grant adult adoptees unrestricted access to a copy of their Original Birth Certificate (OBC). The best programs have no "confidential intermediary" requirement. Bennett Greenspan was in error when he touted their importance. They are not needed. Adoptees should not have to pay money for a third party stranger to go poke around the private lives of their birth parents, and birth parents do not need to be protected from the children they relinquished. The decision to contact or not, and accept contact or not, is between the adoptee and his/her birth parent.
Regarding DNA testing, it is wonderful that autosomal DNA testing is now available to the average consumer. For adoptees researching their family ancestry, it is a exciting new tool we can now use to find out previously unknown information about our ethnic and genetic genealogy. I have tested with FTDNA "Family Finder", and the first time I saw my first relative match results come in, tears streamed down my face. Here were real names of real relatives connected to me by the amount of shared DNA on our chromosomes. Finally a piece of my own personal genetic puzzle, my "roots". I now have 56, 3rd, 4th and 5th cousin matches. Many of them are helping me try to identify our common connection. As more people learn about this DNA testing and get tested, the database grows, and the chances of a closer relative match increases. It has brought renewed hope into what had been only guesses and dead ends. DNA technology is opening new doors and I can't wait to continue my genealogical journey.
A previous poster asked if there was a national registry for adoptees and birth family searching. Yes, there are several. One is the International Soundex Reunion Registry (ISRR.org). It is one of the largest registries out there.
There are other search/support and reunion groups where you can search the registry database where hundreds of adoptees and birth family members are registered, and those groups also have "search angels" who will help those searching for free. Some of these groups are nyadoptees@yahoo.com for those searching in NY State, theregistry@yahoogroups.com for all states and beyond, as well as a group called AdoptionDNA@yahoogroups.com where adoptees and birth family can get help with understanding their FTDNA or 23andME DNA test results
There is also Richard Hill who has the site the DNA-Testing-Advisor, which is an excellent site and technical resource for people at all levels of experience. Richard is an adoptee who used different types of DNA testing to help him find and confirm birth family. He would have been a great addition to the panel of guests on the recent Diane Rehm show. Maybe next time.
Diane, First I would like to say you are a very courageous woman overcoming the difficulties you face. I am not an adoptee.
I think there were some good points made in this show. I also think that some statements were made that were not exactly impartial and tended to make this listener feel the opinions were somewhat biased or uninformed. Also, when it came to searching there seemed to be a real whirlwind in regard to Privacy.
In regards to a birth mother/father thinking they have that right, how about the child that was reprodced from them that had NO SAY in the matter. I think any reunion or contact has to be made cautiously and without embarrassing anyone if possible. But, there is no such thing as Privacy in regards to your child knowing where they came from.
Also, anyone that is in a DNA database and has tested in one of several companies that offer DNA matching is there becasue they want to be there. They have the right not to make their contact info available and to remain anonymous. And, the comment made by Leighton about revealing your adopted status to a third cousin and opening up a "Pandora's Box" was totally out of line. She made a negative impact that bordered on negligence.
Leighton was so anti-search I was embarrased. It was hard to believe she is an adoptee and completed a successful search! She thinks it was OK for her but not for others. I have met a few adopteees in my life and some have said they were not interested in searching but changed their mind as they turned older. Also, my mother was adopted. I have sucessfully found both of her birth families. I wanted to know but she wanted to know as well but died when she was 34. Both families have been very pleased I found them. DNA was only used to confirm the genealogy we put together. I loved Debra's comment about "adoption is not just a moment - an event in time". It is a moment that last a lifetime and into the next generation. It is only the TRUTH! Is anything more important?
Ms. Rehm,
I thank you for bringing this issue to public attention.
I could type a book in the comments section here in response to things that have been said but I will spare you all. Instead, I am hoping people will read my reply on my blog where I have written an open letter to Prof. Kimberly Leighton.
http://www.declassifiedadoptee.com/2012/01/is-this-really-ethical-open-l...
What first and foremost people need to remember is that this issue is about EQUALITY. Birth certificates are a government document made available to most people. When you say adoptees cannot have equal access to the same document everyone else gets, you are saying there is something fundamentally wrong with adoptees to make this rule. Is this really what we want to say?
Adoptive parents, when you have children under the age of 18, it can seem necessary to want to be the keepers and holders of their information, or have it restricted in some way, in order to "protect" the adoptee. But remember, we grow up. We do not stay children forever and part of being a parent is raising a child toward the goal of interdependence with society and self-ownership and personal responsibility. I am a 26-year-old, college educated, mother-of-two, who is working on moving up in my career. I have been working or somehow involved in Social Services or health care since the age of 17. People trust me with very important aspects of their lives daily---yet because I am adopted, many people would think that I can't know my own information because, despite everything else, I am not quite "mature" enough. This is preposterous.
I have my original birth certificate and my uncensored adoption file. I am also reunited. The sky has not fallen in once, I promise.
epowers,
What you are suggesting is not for someone to speak more truthfully but that someone else simply replace their own reality with yours.
I am an adult adoptee, I consider myself to have two mothers and I create no hierarchy as to which mother is better than the other.
Both my original mother and my adoptive mother created an individual (me) who has grown to be competent and capable of making her own decisions about her life. Part of that is allowing me to embrace my various family members as I see fit. It is the right of every adult adoptee on this planet to not only self-identify but to be emotionally free to embrace and label their own family members as they see fit, based on their own definitions, not the guilt they feel from someone elses definition.
I call both of my moms "mom." That's my right. When someone else lives my life for me, they can change my rules ;-)
What was disturbing about the show was the inference that most first /birth mothers want to hide in some closet, but not welcome their children. It is true that some reunions are problematic, but that does not, or should not, intrude on the individual's absolute right to know the truth of their origins.
The fact the Prof. Leighton is adopted, and apparently knows that she had a privileged (many ways to calculate that) childhood, makes her arguments against knowing particularly distasteful and offensive to other adoptees, as well as to this birth mother.
When I relinquished my daughter, I argued against sealed records (in NY), to no avail. I had no choice and now there are legions of people like Prof. Leighton to argue I should stay anonymous. Happily, I found my daughter and we had a lengthy relationship until she died.
You may read more of my commentary at http://www.firstmotherforum.com/
When adoptees' Right to Know becomes a philosphical debate, adoptees lose
Everyone knows that many diseases and disorders can be traced to genetics. Although there are numerous legislators who are blocking open adoption records, I can stake my life on it that not one of these legislators skip the family history when it comes to their own medical treatment.
I know why some agencies have been steadfast against opening records. Indeed, they have a history of lying to young birth mothers. One popular lie given to young women in the 50′s and 60′s was “your children will be given their original birth certificates and your information when they turn 18.” Another tactic used by these miscreants was to threaten these young mothers with criminal prosecution if they ever searched for their children. Outrageous indeed.
A laughable excuse used by supporters of sealed records is those mothers expect privacy. Many mothers may not want the states’ feigned concern for their privacy. These people who continue to ruin lives by treating adult adoptees as infants are on the wrong side of history and will be placed in the same category as those who opposed civil rights for Blacks and Women. It’s just a matter of time before those obstructionists die, retire, or are defeated in elections.
I will admit that I do not ever want to meet or find my birth parents. Its not that I have any resentment to them, in fact they are the greatest heroes in my life for having me and giving me up. They gave me a beautiful gift, the gift of life.
I think this needs to be a mutual choice, I think there needs to be some way for both adoptee and birth parent to flag themselves to be found and if both parties raise their flag than and only then should they be reunited. I want the choice to not to meet my birth parent, they deserve the choice to not to have to meet me, and that should be respected.
I have to agree with everything Kimberly Leighton said. If a birth parent chose a closed adoption then it should remain close if she so chooses. It is a woman's choice issue. Most men walked away and didn't look back. Many of their names aren't on the birth certificate.
Promote open adoption but do not take the choice of a closed adoption away. I'm pro-choice however as an adoptee I am well aware that my birth parent could have chosen abortion and now the morning after pill. A piece of paper with her name on it seems ridiculous compared to not having a chance at life.
A simple bill where an adoptee and the birth parent sends a request to the records department to open the birth certificate and there is a happy start to a reunion while protecting the identity of those who want privacy. If 95% of birth parents want contact it shouldn't be a problem. Respect for all parties in adoption.