Adoptees using DNA to find family.
http://thedianerehmshow.org/shows/2012-01-26/adoptees-using-dna-find-family
Adult adoptees are turning to DNA tests and social media to find biological family members and trace their roots: balancing privacy with the need to know.
Adult adoptees looking for their birth parents have often faced significant challenges, especially in states with sealed records. But there’s a powerful new tool: DNA tests. The growing interest in using DNA samples to trace family roots is translating into an ever larger trove of information adoptees can tap into for their own more immediate family questions. The process can be frustrating and emotionally challenging, and connections revealed can raise new and unwelcome questions for both adoptees and their biological families: Using DNA to help adoptees find out with whom they share a genetic link.
Guests
Deborah Riley
executive director, The Center for Adoption Support and Education, Inc.
Bennett Greenspan
CEO, Family Tree DNA
Kimberly Leighton
Assistant Professor of Philosophy at American University
Comments
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Many birth mothers of adult children WANT to be found. I was not given a choice - I was told no one would ever know and that I had no rights to ever know what happened to my child. It was not what I wanted then, or since. Society has changed a great deal over the last 40 years. Birth mothers, and fathers if they care, as well as adoptive children have the right to know each other.
(Please do not use my name on the air. Not all of my family know about my son, though I would love to be able to introduce him to my family and the world.)
Thank you
I think it's important to allow biological parents a permanent promise of anonymity or privacy. My younger sister is adopted from Bangladesh, and my understanding is that her biological mother was 15 when she gave birth. Her premarital pregnancy was kept a secret from her village to allow her the possibility of marrying later in life. While my sister is curious about her biological background, I cannot imagine that being adequate grounds for disrupting the lives of any biological siblings she may now have. I just worry that a fear of not having a guarantee of privacy will push a scared pregnant woman toward abortion (which presumably allows more privacy) over adoption.
Willing open adoptions are a beautiful, beautiful thing, and I do think that it's wonderful for an adopted child to know her biological parents and eventually be able to understand the "whys" of her circumstances.
I did not go the DNA route to find my birth parents, but got access to my adoption records in England.
Through research on the internet I managed to find my birth Mother on Facebook. She has never replied to messages that I have sent, I guess this is her choice. I can understand in some small way as she now has a new family.
It has been interesting to see pictures of my extended birth family and I find it amazing that there are a group of people who share so many physical traits with me.
This has been an interesting search, although it does hurt that my birth mother does not want to know me. I feel that the parents of people adopted need to at least acknowledge their children.
They gave birth to a child and that comes with responsibility, adopted or not.
Are these DNA databases ever used for other purposes? Does the government (e.g. law enforcement officials) have access to these records? If I decided to submit my DNA, should I be concerned about my privacy on this entirely different level?
It seems to me that the conversation of birth parent privacy is moot. Certainly, we cannot prohibit adoptees from using new technologies to track down their birth parents.
As the parent of 3 adopted children (2 adopted as teenagers from Russia and the a grandchild whom we adopted), I have not had to go through any of the issues that a mother with an unplanned pregnancy might experience, but I have dealt with all 3 of my children knowing who their parents are (to a lesser degree for our Russian-born children, now in their 20s). Perhaps a more useful conversation would be to work on expanding the idea of family, diminishing any stigma or negativity people associate with adoption, and encouraging adoption as a positive experience for both adoptive parents and birth parents, as well as for the adopted child.
Adoptees should have every right to their birthparents. Although birthmothers sometimes do not want to be found, they have an obligation to a child. Children frequently ask about parents' histories, adopted or not. If a child wants a history about their parent, they should be allowed to. I am an adoptee. I knew since I was very young that I was adopted. I wanted nothing more in life to know my biological mother, what she was like and what I was. You cannot write a story without a sufficient character background. If you don't know your history, how are you supposed to know what makes you? Adoptees should also know their biological parents because of the issue of medical history. Many diseases are genetic, so an adoptee could be at risk without even knowing it. You are asked for a medical history for a reason, so why deny a child of that?
Thank you for this show. Do your guests have any thoughts regarding the role that adoptive parents can play in the their children's search for biological parents?
This is a very good informative program. I would like to suggest that the panel members use the term "placed for adoption" or "made an adoption plan". These words more accurate describe the adoption process.
Thanks
I was adopted in 1959. When I located and met my birthmother in 1992, she told me that she had been told that if she ever tried to find me, my life would be ruined. She was also incredibly surprised that my adopted parents divorced when I was an adolesent. I think she was coerced to some extent.
My half sister, who was not relinquished, told me that there had always been something very sad about our mother and nobody knew why she seemed sad. Now, they believe it was her continuing grief over relinquishing me.
I'd like to add that prior to being adopted, I was something like a doormat and found myself in abusive relationships. After meeting my family, especially my half-brother, I finished college, and at age 48 graduated from Law School, although I lost both mothers while in law school. I am no longer a doormat, I believe, that I found an inner strength that is common in my birth family.
Thank you for this opportunity to share.
Felons are frequently required to give DNA samples to the state or fed. do these ppl have access to those records?
As an adoptee, I find it offensive to refer to the persons who created me physically as my parents, my parents are the ones that taught me to ride a bike, and throw a ball, and what is right and wrong. The simple ability to procreate should entitle a person to no rights to disrupt my family or my life.
We adopted our son using a wonderful local agency, and were blessed to be present for his birth. We stayed in touch with the paternal birth grandmother (her choice), but have never met her son (the birth father). They now would like to meet our son. He is twelve years of age and very interesting in meeting him. We considered allowing this, until we did a criminal record search and found out that this man has quite a serious criminal record. Of course, we did not allow them to meet, but our son will find uncover this information, sooner or later. We are now very puzzled as to how to tell him; obviously, we will not share this information until he is an adult.
I was a birth mother at age 15. I was given 2 options by my parents - adoption or abortion. They were pushing for abortion, but I chose adoption. During the process, the lawyers asked a lot of questions about family medical history. They allowed me the choice between 3 families. It was a choice that gave me enough satisfaction to carry me through 10 more rough years. There was a lot of dysfunction in my family of origin and, even at that age, I knew that it would have been harmful for that child to be in contact with any of us. I was a much, much better mother to the son I had at age 27. I've considered looking for the son who has been raised by others, and to be honest, there are a lot of mixed feelings about that.
Our oldest grandchild (birth-grandchild) was openly adopted 11 years. He has always known his birth-mother, also birthgrandparents, aunts, uncle, entirely to everyone's satisfaction. His parents are wonderful people, it goes without saying; he is a great kid, too!
Seems like open adoption would solve so many of these sad stories. Do your panelists have anything to say about open adoption, or is this a topic left for another show? It would be a nice topic to work on.
As a parent who put a child up for adoption, I can say that the greatest societal advancement for adoption is openness.
When my daughter has questions for school papers about her background or questions about family health history, she or her parents contact me.
We have a completely open relationship and see each other about once a year. It is the best thing that I've ever done -- putting her up for adoption and watching her grow up.
I know our situation is not the norm, but openness and respect for boundaries and one another has helped us develop an incredibly positive relationship.
Isn't it possible to avoid adoptees ignorance of genetic or familial medical history by gathering and passing that information on at the time of birth?
Laws can't protect people from emotions. Yes, there can be some protections in place for the
adoptee, the adopting family and the birth mother. But this is about real life, and real life is messy. No "protections" can be in place for the emotions that adoption issues bring up.
There are reasons for adoption, do not look back.
My husband and I have a 19 year old son who came to us through an identified adoption at birth. His birthfather denied paternity so we have no medical info from him and although his birthmother was lovely she had very little history from her drug addict mother. So we are no better off for knowing them. We have offered to introduce him to her through the years and he has refused. He says we are his parents.
Also!! Please stop saying that a child is "given away"....what most birthmothers do is "make an adoption plan for their child" or "place their child for adoption". It is very insensitive to speak of the plan as "giving away". Just as we do not say that our son "is adopted" he actually came to us "through adoption".
Love your shows!
PS: I also dislike "put child up for adoption".....why not "I made an adoption plan for my child" The plan was a loving and unselfish act and a birthmother should be proud of her choice.
Adoptees have a legal, and ethical, reason to have their original birth certificate (OBC). The government does not have the right, under the Constitution, to falsify a legal document then pass it off as the original. That is what the US adoptees have right now - a false statement that is NOT the original. It is a grave injustice and also shows discrimination against a group (the adoptees).
From an ethical perspective - it is the right thing to do. Everyone deserves to know their roots, their family of origin.
I am a birthmother and would LOVE to b
e found by my daughter who I relinquished in the 60s. If she ever wanted a copy of her OBC, she should have it.
I am a birthmother. While everyone is nervous about searching there are support groups all over the country to help you think out what you want to do and whether or not you want to search. Concerned United Birthparents has chapters in several states. The American Adoption Congress can give you information about support groups in your state.
I am sorry to hear the pain of several callers on the show about unpleasant results when being contacted by or contacting birth family members, but that is not the typical experience. I know thousands of birthparents (mostly birthmothers) and adoptees who have been thrilled to be found and for whom it has made extremely positive results in their lives.
my experience is born out by statistics on the website of the American Adoption Congress that show that where adoption records have been opened or where adoptees have access to their original birthcerticates birthparents overwhelmingly do not object to contact. In most states where there are statistics someplace between 98% and 99 plus % want contact. There was a recent newspaper story about a 94 year old birthmother being thrilled to be contacted.
I am a female adoptee. I found my birthmother through the adoption agency that my adoptive parents used to get me. My birthmother was date raped and conceived me in that violent act. I will alway be grateful that she wanted to meet me. But she is unable or unwilling to tell me about my father... I have been wondering if DNA can help me find my heritage on my fathers side.
Thank you
Christina Flagstaff, Az
I am a birth mother who gave a daughter up for adoption 40 years ago and felt like I gave up the right to locate her when I gave her to the family who raised her. I do believe she has the right to find me if that's what she desires. Is there a national registry to make my information available to her should she be searching?
I gave up a child for adoption and have never been able to get in touch with him through the adoption agency that placed him. Now, as an attorney representing parents who have neglected or abused their children, I make sure if they are unable to reunify, that they have every opportunity provided by law for an open adoption, including meeting the adoptive parents if the adoptive parents agree, and working out a post-adoption contract agreement.
(please withhold my name)
The portrayal of Adoptees as family disrupter and/or stalkers is so damaging. The disrupter or stalker is the exception NOT the rule. Being adopted does not mean that you are born devoid of compassion or ethical behavior. I only wanted to know my history and to tell my Mother that I always loved her and had a good life. My Mom (adoptive) never had a bad word to say about my Mother, and I was never made to feel that I was not part of my adoptive family or that I was not wanted or loved by my Mother.
My adoptive family is the only “family” that I have ever known, and I love them with all my heart. That being said, it does not mean that my natural family doesn’t matter. Just last year I met my natural Father’s niece, my cousin, and Wow! She remembers my Mother. My father never forgot about his lost child, and shortly before he died (2006) he spoke with her about my Mother and that someday their child would “come knocking”. She and her family have welcomed me. The idea that searching for natural family is somehow disloyal is so misinformed – we love our families and if some of us need and want to make contact or just know more about our beginnings it does not lessen the love we have for our adoptive families. Love is boundless – everybody is welcome.
The adoption industry promotes a truly disparaging image of “confidentiality” and “orphans” – most adoptees are Not “orphans”. Society has an erroneous image of adoption, and things are said (by the industry and the general public) that not only hurt the people involved but can damage lives. It would be wonderful if as much effort was put into helping Mothers and their Children stay together (and for anyone who is going to jump on this statement let me say, I am talking about Mothers/Parents who Want to keep their child and who are not being prosecuted as unfit). If a natural parent does not want contact they can say so, and there are laws to protect their right to do so. All people (adopted or not) should be treated equally.
I am a 64 y.o. female adoptee. I recently used DNA (both FT and 23&Me) to find out my possible genetic health and my true ethnicity. I also went to court and was granted my petition to access my adoption records. My records showed that my Mother loved me and wanted me… that was a Huge comfort. I also learned the conditions that surrounded my adoption, which was an education in and of itself. When I learned my Mother’s name and searched on it, I learned that she had died when I was in my 30s; and, she lived 40 miles from where I was raised. When I was born she was told that when I reached the age of majority I would have access to all my records, but that she had no rights to contact me or my family. The law was changed and enforced retroactively. I do not have words to tell you how haunted I am by the thought that she was nearby and possibly waiting for me to find her. My personal feeling is that when an adoptee reaches the age of majority he/she should have access to their original, complete birth certificate. This is how the laws were before and this is how the laws are for all non-adopted American citizens. Being adopted should not make a person suspect.
Thank you for reading :-)
Thank you for addressing this issue.
Our 33-year old adopted daughter died suddenly of a ruptured brain aneurysm, a condition that often runs in families. Hoping to prevent others in our daughter's birth family from the same fate, I contacted The Clerk of the Court to tell them what happened. It was a closed adoption and they refused to pass the information along to that family. I was heartsick that this mother might suffer from the same tragedy with one of her other children. Wouldn't she want to know?
Firstly I’d like to state, the baby did not agree to the contract, therefore it should not be valid once he is an adult. The baby has been victimized, striped of its own identity. Clearly anyone who states this rhetoric about privacy issues is not adopted, nor have they been affected from adoption through someone close to them. Adoption, and fostering has affected my family, and it is important for a person to not only know their medical history, but also to know where they came from. To watch someone struggle with the questions their whole lives and to not have an answer is just excruciating.
The person searching through DNA has an uphill battle of finding their core birth families. It is not an easy process and many will give up if they don’t have a close match. It is not for the feeble.
To not know anything about yourself, whether you are English or French, Catholic or Jewish, a descendent from a Revolutionary War hero or a concentration camp survivor. Where did I get my stubbornness, my nose, my curiosity? IT HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH THE ADOPTIVE FAMILY. The adopted family in my family is wonderful and extremely important in every way except biology. It is about the biology of the child, he has a right to know what makes him tick. To keep it from him is inhuman. I have seen firsthand the self- esteem issues from being given up and to deny the child the right to search, to find out something about their history is wrong, pure and simple. The child is no less a member of the biological family than any of the other biological members and therefore has a right to know. They have a right to honor their war hero, to be proud of the survival qualities of the concentration camp ancestor, to know that they are related to a human rights activist. Yes, we know going in that there may be some skeletons, but nobody has a perfect life and should “Aunt Martha’s” lie be more important than the truth? I think not.