Boomerang Kids
http://thedianerehmshow.org/shows/2011-12-13/boomerang-kids
The number of Americans living in multigenerational households has been on the rise in recent years. Census data shows 5.9 million adults between 25 and 34 years of age currently live at home with their parent. That's an increase of almost 26 percent since before the recession. Most of those young adults moving back home are men. As the unemployment rate soars and the job market for recent graduates tightens, the number of adults returning to the nest may grow. But this may add to the financial burden facing many parents already having a tough time in this economy. What the trend in boomerang kids means to families and society.
Guests
Linda Perlman Gordon
Psychotherapist in private practice in Chevy Chase, co-author of "Mom Can I Move Back in With You?"
Carolyn Hax
Washington Post advice columnist
Katherine Newman
the James B. Knapp Dean of the Krieger School of Arts and Sciences at Johns Hopkins University, and the author of the upcoming book, "The Accordion Family: Boomerang Kids, Anxious Parents, and the Private Toll of Global Competition."
Jennifer Pape
23 years old, who graduated from the University of Wisconsin-Madison in August and moved back in with her parents
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Program Highlights
Since the recession began, there's been a huge jump in so-called "boomerang kids," adults who move back in with their parents. Recent census data show that 5.9 million Americans between 25 and 34 have returned home. This affects individual families and society, and it raises questions about the value of a college degree as well as the state of our jobs crisis.
"Boomerangers" Not Just a Result Of Poor Economy
Though many recent college graduates have found it necessary to move back home due to a combination of student loans and difficulty finding a job, experts say this trend started anew around 2004, before the start of the recession. Linda Gordon theorizes that part of the explanation for the trend is that this generation of youth are less sure of career paths, get married later, and generally delay some traditional rights of passage that we have used to mark adulthood. "Home is comfortable, and there is a bit of a lack of generation gap between their parents. They like their parents," Gordon said.
The Economy's Role
The sociological factors Gordon cites aside, advice columnist Carolyn Hax said the people she's hearing from are the "failure to launch" youths for whom the economy has no place right now. "A lot of them are washing up at home to the great dismay and distress of their parents," Hax said, citing substance abuse and other social problems, too. Young people with these kinds of problems who might have been able to get by on their own in better economic times aren't making it now, and are looking to home for a safe haven, Hax said.
The Upsides To Moving Back In
Despite the financial or social hardships that drive some to move back home, many adult children find some positive sides to living with their parents again. "If they are piling up experience in unpaid internships or trying their wings in jobs that have some prospect for a happy future, it creates the opportunity for parents to be parents without all the surveillance obligations they had when their kids were teenagers," Kathleen Newman said. One big downside for parents, though, is that those who were looking forward to being "empty-nesters" find themselves on a different trajectory with adult children unexpectedly back in the house.
Older Boomerangers
One caller shared his story of being a 64 year-old man who had lost his job, his house, and his wife. He recently moved back in with his 84 year-old mother. "If it wasn't for my mom taking me in, who knows where I'd be," the caller said. "I'd be in a homeless shelter or sleeping under a bridge," he said. Newman replied that the listener's story highlights one of the "horrendous tolls" of the prolonged recession - the fragility of Americans across the board and in every age group. In poorer families who may have less space than wealthier ones, tensions and conditions can be much worse. "How families adapt to this depends a lot on the resources that they have on the table," Newman said.
You can read the full transcript here.
Comments
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I think the parents are off the hook to a certain extent because of the bad economy and with fewer employers hiring. Even if the parents saved for college, the cost for university may have exceeded their savings, and their children had to take out loans.
I am wondering if the young woman on your show realizes how much her fertility drops after as early as 30. It is interesting to consider the sociology as well as the biology of these changes.
Hear Hear! Laferra2
I really don't know why this is considered so odd for generations to live together, and is being presented here as a new phenomenon. I only heard part of the show, but it sounded like it was considered odd that the guest on the program went back home after she graduated from college.
Gosh, almost everyone I know does that! Most people who go to college still consider their parents' home to be "home", to which they return on vacations and semester breaks - so naturally it would be the place to go once you get your degree and are free to go home!
I'm nearly 60 years old, and this was certainly typical of my generation. Almost everyone I knew lived at home after college graduation. I moved out at 23, and had been working for over a year - and my parents were devastated and begged me to stay. I was one of the first of my friends to move out - though I later returned home as a single parent for a couple years. My sister didn't leave until she was 26. That was not unsual 30 years ago. I had friends who lived at home into their 30s, or who returned home.
Heck, if my son and his family wanted to come to my home I'd welcome them with open arms. It would be a thrill. I find it very odd that in this country we seem to regard multigenerational households as odd!
When I moved back in with my parents, among many of their good-boundary methods, was a brilliant "rent" schedule: As soon as I got a job (or 6 months after moving in, whichever was first), I was expected to contribute $100 per month-- a modest and do-able amount. Every 6 months after that, my monthy rent increased by $50 per month. By the time I was paying $350, I had a better job and was about to pay MORE to stay home than to share an apartment with a friend... so I moved out! Now I have my own house and my mortgage is only $400/ month, but I get to make the rules and my relationship with my parents is better than ever. I suggest this monthly increase arrangement to my friends with boomerang kids in their homes.
I wonder how family income makes a difference in the percentage of children moving back in with parents. When I finished college, there was just no room for me, and moving back home was something I simply never even considered.
I am 40 years old and have two young children, ages four and two. My husband and I know that in a few years we will likely be caring for our parents as well as our children. I worry that my generations trend toward delaying marriage and having children will only perpetuate the problem. Having children later in life means a greater span between generations, leading to the children caring for the parents earlier in their lives and delaying their opportunities to start their own families.
I am a 52 year old American man, married to an Indian woman. Through the lens of India I see many benefits of multigenerational homes: closeness, love, laughter, support, assistance and efficiency come to mind. Sometimes our American compulsion for "independence" just ends up making us isolated, and overlooking the truth of "interdependence". Thanks.
Wonderful program, as always. It occurs to me that there is also cultural component that is worth considering. There are several families I know that consider it a natural and expected plan to keep the family under one roof. For example, family groups from China or Philippines that maintain a traditional home , no matter the square footage, manage to honor the parents and grandparents. Everyone helps - even when illness and work obligations interfere.
But in America - the idea that we cannot provide such a similar home base for family members of all generations is I feel based upon our more modern notion that in order to be and feel successful, we must show it off by how we live and what we have - not necessarily what/who we love and care about. Are we now facing the consequences of being a nation devoted to what we can acquire? I applaud the woman who, in her thirties, is devoted to her parent's/grandparent's care. The tragedy is that our society does not offer a reasonable and easily obtainable way to provide her with relief when she needs a break or to spend time with her peers. As a point of encouragement, I think anyone that moves back home - for whatever reason - and is making their life work in spite of the hardships, is to be congratulated. That humbling, compassionate approach to life makes you a person to be cherished. You inspire us all.
This may sound harsh, but as a 20-something student in my last semester of my undergraduate, I think this "redefining" and extending childhood is nonsense. These young people are delaying their development and missing out on a great part of life- finding their own way by their own means, while being young enough to absorb mistakes. There are certainly exeptions, but it sounds like my generation is really being babied- and not for their own good.
My mom is my best friend, and has consistently encouraged me to move home. However, I left for college when I was 18 and haven't lived at home in 6 years now. It's not because I don't love my Mom, it's about learning to be independent and succeed on your own. Of course, sometimes people don't have any option, but young people should probably keep it as a last resort. It is a beautiful part of adulthood to learn to support yourself.
I am 27 years old. I have lived on my own since I graduated college when I was 23. I pay student loans, bills, insurance, and a mortgage. For these "young adults" to say that they need to move in with their parents for financial reasons, is absolutely horrible. Get a job, doing anything, and live according to that budget. Instead, people are moving back home to live the lifestyle that they don't want to change of going out, shopping, and over buying.
Jennifer, you think that you are growing up quicker because you live at home and your mom makes you clean the bathroom once a week and go grocery shopping?! This is a sign of how delusional and in denial you are.
Move Out. Learn responsibility.
Your mom telling you to clean the bathroom is not you being a grown-up. My students who are 12 do that. How about live on your own and decide when not just the bathroom, but when the house should be cleaned. Pay the cable bill. Pay the incredibly over-priced cell phone bill. Or, maybe make the responsible decision of cutting back and learning to do without for awhile. That's a lesson we all could learn. Especially "my" generation.
I am contemplating moving back in with my parents at 28-- I have lived on my own since 22, but am finishing up a project and looking at my future. I have made substantial inroads in eliminating my student loans, but I work in the non-profit sector, and would probably pay them off at about 35 paying 8-10% of my income towards them. Where I live, while I have a decent "middle class" job, I also cannot a down payment on a condo for about 10 years (condos here= $350,000, not the nicest in the city). Why bother at 50?
My father needs help with his small business and I would be useful there while paying off loans/saving for a house. Furthermore, I want to remember my parents as an adult before I'm their caretaker when they have advanced dementia... Returning home from my distant location is one way to initiate those conversations and plans. I'm an only child, and we're going to need a plan. As it happens, I do have an "out" planned: entering a PhD program next fall. That, of course, is dependant on being accepted... otherwise, I'll have to decide whether to continue in the family business or look to head back into my career path.
I do not, oh ye cynical commentators, take excessive vacations or have fancy toys. My cell phone is two years old, I have no car, and cook about 85% of my meals. (If I had a shorter commute, that would be 95%, but alas, one must still sleep 8 hours per night and there are many responsibilities when you're the only one running the household.) I am single, not contemplating children, and have no prospects or particular desire for a marriage. Why, precisely, does being a solo adult make me immature?
I absolutely agree. Were our parents babied? Were our grandparents babied? They learned to cut back and make ends meat. Our generation is disappointing and embarrassing.
? As and adult living at home.....I have a family and value family values...grand mom and aunts living in the same home....I believe it shows a healthy family and not socialy defunct.... Many families are normal and do not exibit this drama on tv shows, with crazy families for people watch for entertaiment...I find your monitor Linda very selfish with her values..I believe this is not natural in todays new society..
I'm Korean-American, born of South Korean immigrants. I can only wish that I could move home with my parents - the problem is that we can't stand to be around each other (or perhaps it's more that I will not stand for them meddling in my life). Born in the US and now 33 years old, I'm gainfully employed, but still trying hard to pay off school loans. And while I'm not in the category of college-graduates moving home, I would add to the discussion by saying that I feel abandoned by my parents, who have (to this day) the ability to liberate me from the mountain of tuition-based debt I've carried with me since my graduation. I feel strongly that it is the role of the parents to try, to the largest extent possible, to ensure that their children do not enter the work force with an insurmountable level of debt. They forsaked the option of saving for my college education and I'm paying for that dearly 7 years since I've been out of school - that has negatively affected our relationship tremendously through the years.
Here's my obvious take on the problems that face us. Today's students must compete on a global scale and everyone must learn to live within their means. If I can't find a job that pays my basic bills and student loans then it's not a good job period.
After wasting my time at a local joke of a university I worked three jobs to pay off my student loans before being accepted into a private college two years later. After graduating in 2009 companies need to get a dose of reality. I can't speak for other graduates or current students but UNPAID internships/ apprenticeships for "college credit" are fraud period. It's free labor and students can't afford to work for free. One of my friends has $6,000 in credit card debt because he was not allowed to work elsewhere while working for free - oops, for class credit that was never awarded.
I didn't expect a job just to be handed to me because I have a degree. Why is the U.S. called the "land of opportunity" if the only thing that really matters anymore is who you know and not what you know? I'm struggling and distrust the institutions that take your money and fail to report their placement rates after graduation (colleges/universities). We should all be worried about low starting wages at companies who expect more for less and the damage they will do to current and future generations of employees (along with the welfare programs their shrinking wages support). What about the student loan sharks?
In this country success was measured by your ability to be a productive, financially secure, independent citizen. The recession and corrupt business culture have made it much more difficult to achieve that goal. When I see irresponsible morons being rewarded and hard working students get stuck with the bill I have a problem with that.
Has anyone else made the same observations?
Lovely. The angry diatribe against unemployed college graduates doesn't contain a iota of reality that these people are facing.
Some banks don't offer loan deferment or consolidation after graduation. If a student can't pay for their loans doing everything possible to get a job are you really going to blame them like a nut walking around in a park with a "the end is near" sign? If a company sees you have a degree they know you won't stay for that bad job forever. You'll move on the first chance you get.
If a graduate has to face homelessness and moving back into their parent's home and pay them rent do you think a mature decision would be to choose homelessness? Do you know any homeless people with jobs?
I can't believe you think your job is safe either. In my home state teachers were laid off - and the graduates were the first to go! Why did you choose to buy a home since your job security is no longer iron clad? Before you open your mouth to insert your feet maybe you shouldn't assume that all college graduates are the same or face the same problems you never had to deal with.
I strongly agree with your comments. As a primary care physician working in a Walk in Clinic , I have contact with a broad spectrum of the population. I hate to sound like my dad, but "In my day things were different." Kids had jobs. They worked after school: High School. I made pizzas, scooped ice cream, and stocked grocery shelves.
These days parents are bringing in their kids for Ambien because they can't sleep. None of these kids work or even participate in sports. Then as young adults, much the same. "Give me the cure now, I looked it up, here's what I need."
I lived with my parents through College, but I worked at their motel so that they didn't have to hire any help. Our whole family worked together. I scrubbed toilets and tubs until 2nd year in Medical School. No springbreak for me. But I realized that by delaying gratification, I was better off and would not have large loans later. My colleagues went on island excursions with their student loans. Some are still paying them off.
As for getting a college degree and then not getting a good paying job after: What was your major? If you did not plan for a field that would accomodate you after graduation, you wasted your time and money. Take the hard courses. Invest the time. Research what your studying. Just because you like to study a subject doesn't mean it will support you after you get a 4 year degree in it. And if you make a mistake and it doesn't work out like you planned, admit it. Don't blame others, the economy, or society. Parents should and most do help their kids, but unfortunetly, I believe too many 20 and even 30 somethings took it easy in college, didn't do the research, and are now occupying parks because the real world doesn't have any openings for their "4 year degrees".
I am surprised how generally hard-hearted this cross section of comments has been considering how the economy is treating workers and students. Most of these critics have a jealous and selfish immature attitude. They are unaware of how people survive and thrive outside our country and outside their commercial mindedness. An ideology of ruthless individualism has been imposed on society through media, education and patterning based on upper middle class success. I was born privileged and my nurturers always wanted to keep my younger generation close to their money and land and lifestyle. They thus fostered their values and cultivated heirs to carry on what they deemed proper and valuable.
I work with financially unlucky people in my native area. Many times the only thing parents have to share is themselves and their time. I see no reason such mutual support should end when children turn 18 or 21. There are certainly no prohibitions against nepotism at my socio-economic level. Why should there be any among people with less. They need to stick together to keep or acquire anything. Family is sometimes the only sanctuary in our predatory system. Solidarity begins in the family. But don't let it stop there. Most of us will need assistance someday. Don't you critics ever help anyone?
The problem is that the kids can't get those jobs now-- we in our twenties and the laid off 50 year olds are flipping burgers, dogsitting, babysitting (yup, I'm good with three year olds), and doing grocery store inventory! Besides, to have a job, you have to have a car, and the car will consume all your earnings in a minimum wage position. Maybe you live somewhere with public transit, but it wasn't possible when I was in high school cause my parents had one car for much of that time. The high schooler certainly wasn't getting it.
I took the hard courses, had a 3.79 GPA at a top-tier school. Did the MS because you're supposed to (and you need it to get a job) part-time while working full-time. Never took a spring break trip, except for babysitting for an aunt one year. We're not excessive by definition. I wear out my shoes and jeans before replacing them. It's frustrating to have the sense that you'll never catch up. I couldn't afford kids if I wanted them, because literally half my post-tax income would be needed for child care.
Were there things I could have given up? Yes, I paid entry fees for some races. I buy plane tickets to visit grandparents (can't delay those trips... or else there might not be anyone around to visit). I've taken two four day trips for pleasure to connect with undergrad friends, attended a few conferences for networking purposes, and one vacation abroad with my mother. Over 6 years. On the other hand, did you really never relax and buy a beer or glass of wine to celebrate?
"bottom of the capability pool" ?
what a crass thing to say.
I disagree with the commenters who are blaming the adult children for the situation. I am 25 and my husband is 26. We've been living with my parents for nearly a year. Between the two of us we have three BAs and 24 hours of graduate credit. My husband is certified to teach, but despite applying for every job he can find, the best he can find is a low level mangement job at a big box store which pays less than $10 an hour. I'm working two part time jobs, but my English degree doesn't qualify me for anything making more than $10 per hour. I've gone back to school to earn a special ed certificate and staying with my parents prevents me from accumlating more debt. After my husband pays off his loans each month, we have just enough of his income left over for gas and medicine. My income goes completly towards my tution. If I were to quit my schooling, I'd be spending my income paying off my loans. We're able to save just enough money to stay one step ahead of car repairs. No one would accuse either my husband or I of being lazy or frivioulus. We work as many hours possible at as highest paying jobs we can find and we wouldn't be able to make ends meet without my parents.