Shyness and Social Anxiety
http://thedianerehmshow.org/shows/2011-08-09/shyness-and-social-anxiety
Many of us feel nervous if we have to make a speech in public. But for the more than 40% of Americans who are chronically shy, even ordering food in a restaurant can cause deep anxiety. Their palms sweat, their hearts race, and their faces grow flush. Medical treatment and therapy is widely available for social anxiety, but some argue that shyness is not a sickness. They say shy people listen better and have higher levels of empathy. A look at shyness, its evolutionary basis, and why it might be an asset.
Guests
David Sloan Wilson
Distinguished Professor of Biology and Anthropology at the State University of New York (SUNY) in Binghamton; director of The Evolution Institute;
Dr. Liza Gold
Clinical Professor of Psychiatry at Georgetown University Medical Center
Todd Kashdan
Associate Professor of Psychology and Senior Scientist at George Mason University
Susan Cain
author of the forthcoming book, "Quiet" (2012) and The Power of Introverts blog
Comments
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Cocoons. Not just for butterflies and old widows anymore.
But that is wrong social anxiety. Anxious to hear why numbers increasing. And why widesspread abuse of prescriptions tolerated. Might the 'benefits' of medications and widesspread (ab)use be due to profit margins?
For profit healthcare- in many more ways than one.
How could that monied interest ever influence our treatments.
Shocking, we, warned.
Hello Diane,
I am so pleased you are doing this show on shyness. I do hope you will talk about all the gradations of shyness. 5-10% of all people suffer from severe shyness. They do not appreciate it at all. I am able speak for them. My book, written from the heart and called, Brave, a Memoir of Overcoming Shyness 2010 speaks to this as does Keith Shortall's MPBN June 27 broadcast interview with me on Maine Things Considered called Conquering Stiffling Shyness; a Maine Woman's Tale.
Do you take phone calls on this show? I would love to call in. Helen Rivas-Rose
www.shynessbook.com
I identify with this 'oppression' of judgment. Between 'acting out' to 'force-a-form-of-person-hood' on others, to being hyper-aware of Other's "meaning" of me. [Darwinian, other otherwise.] These are brief adjectives I use to hope to elucidate a meaning unto and of this which I feel may help continue to flesh-out and make more-palpable and true the depths of what it means to feel the way I have, which, is indeed parallel to if not directly-immersed in 'shyness'.
I am sorry not to have been able to speak on your show. I am one of the minnows that didn't go into the trap...very aware of my environment and suffered from extreme shyness for 50 years. Finally I wrote my book about it, taking nine years, and I would really like to say that it is strange to always be listening to the non-shy talk about us. We too can talk!
My father was very outgoing when he was drinking, but if he was sober he would usually stay to himself and avoid interacting with anyone. My son has been an alcohol and drug addict for over 20 years, and he recently told me that the only way he could feel comfortable interacting with anyone other then immediate family was to be a little drunk or high on drugs. Is there a link between drug and alcohol abuse, and anxiety/shyness?
Question:
Can sometimes shyness or introvert can be confused with insecurity or not self confidence?, For example in my case (and many foreigners, non native English speakers) in USA we behave shy (even in reality the personality is not like that) for fear to English and that people do not understand. It is also kind of impairment or disability somehow. We keep shy and we do not develop 100% socially or even professionally. When a person is too shy the social-professional group sometimes misjudges and feels the person is weird or not too smart, until after a while, that the person shows the opposite.
Thanks.
Love. This. Show.
I've always been a shy person. My out has become music. Walking on stage and sitting behind a keyboard, I become a different person.. and I love it.
Thanks for this show!
I've been slightly socially anxious for most of my life, but I'm more afraid of people thinking I'm strange because I'm avoiding something that I find difficult to handle than I am afraid of actually going into the situation. Because of this, I've learned to hide anxiety.
Also, I would like to point out that you can be at once socially anxious and an extrovert. Naturally, shyness and introversion go together, but it's not necessary.
Awareness, (regardless of language issues) is key to personal growth. As a multi-lingual extrovert it has been my experience that identity is built through the environment that we are exposed to. Being married to an introvert and now very aware of our different and complimentary personalities; I find that most shy people define themselves as quiet and defend that identity wholeheartedly. Thus at times limiting themselves, and blocking any chance to be aware and continue to grow. A look at how shyness and at times tunnel vision, block personal awareness would be critical.
As a Licensed Clinical Social Worker, I have found great success with so-called energy therapies, such as The Emotional Freedom Technique a kind of acupressure for the emotions as a treatment for Social Phobia. People can overcome the crippling effects of this phobia in just a few sessions.
Regarding common physical traits in people with shyness/anxiety (i.e. sensitive skin) : Ayurveda shows that similar body types often have similar personality traits. I used to think this was just coincidence, but it would make sense that similar brain chemistry (something physical) might also manifest itself in other physical ways. Can any of the guests comment on this?
BTW, extroverts also suffer from anxiety and many times of social anxiety... being "ON" at all times is exhausting. This topic of discussion is helpful to us as well.
Selective Mutism is a kind of social phobia. Studies show that over 90%, some researchers say over 95%, of people with selective mutism also have social anxiety disorder. Most of the time, they are so overwhelmed by their anxiety that they simply can't speak. The social anxiety has to be dealt with before they can start to talk comfortably.
Had a good laugh at the guests who assume that "shy" people develop ideas alone then bounce those ideas off other people. If you are shy, then you don't associate with other people.
As a Past President of the Association for Applied Psychophysiology and Biofeedback (AAPB), I'd like to offer a plug for the kind of help our members provide for folks with various kinds of anxiety disorders. We are the psychologists and other health care professionals who use instrumentation to give people real time information about their physiology as it relates to the condition of concern, in this case, anxiety. With that information a person can learn to control and change that physiology, acquiring a tool that improves quality of life. I was pleased to hear your guests endorsing a balanced approach to treatment, including non-pharmacological alternatives. Visit AAPB at www.aapb.org for more information.
Wrong. If you're shy, you take a while to get used to other people, and you probably don't have a big group of friends. Almost half of Americans are shy. Do half of Americans not associate with other people?
I am an introvert and I found your show very interesting. I have siblings and friends that ramble on at a mile a minute and find that not vomiting my thoughts all over everyone is an assett. My reserved demeanor is often interpreted as unfriendly/unaccessible and that is something I wish I could change, once a person gets to know me they feel differently.
I have tried to get my children to be more open, but they are both shy at first and internalize their thoughts. They are both very thoughtful and self aware and hopefully will grow out of some of the shyness.
I really enjoyed today's show on shyness/introverts; it could have used more than one hour to cover all the bases. It is a topic close to me, I am an introvert, however I didn't know it till I was 37. A co-worker said something to me after observing my work behavior and hearing me speak of my home life. The thought had never crossed my mind. I found a book " The Introvert Advantage:How To Thrive in an Extrovert World" by Marti Olsen Laney and it changed my life.
I would recommend to anyone who feels the frustration of shyness to explore and research how to use your personality to be a better you. It is completely possible to blossom in your own world and even excel.
Most of my friends are shocked to learn how introverted I really am, because I have learned how live with it, not fight against it. There are simple and little things you can do daily or weekly that will change your outlook on almost every stressful room (or day) filled with talking, noisy, pushy people. You can give them, and yourself, your best without depleting all your energy. It just takes some personal control and time management. Listen to your inner self and you'll find you already know what you want, further study will give you the tools to know how to make it happen.
My 7 year old son was in 1st grade last year and did not speak audibly to his teacher for much of the year. The same had gone on in pre-school and kindergarten.
It was brought to my attention that he may suffer from selective mutism. After doing a tiny bit of research, I asked his teacher not to try to force the issue with him and my husband and I stopped pressuring him to speak to her. She did as we asked but continued to talk to him about things of interest to him and finally about 4 months in he opened up to her.
For this school year we plan to see how he does since he'll be in a familiar school with a teacher he is familiar with though she's different from last year.
I greatly appreciate this topic today because I identify with this subject immensely because I struggle with being shy daily. At this point in my life, I have learned to operate daily without it debilitating me, and I have a fairly robust group of friends that I hang out with regularly. However, I still have to retreat regularly because sometimes I'm a bit overwhelmed by too much social stimulation. Almost all of what you are saying about this subject, and the findings of your researchers I find completely true. Especially, when you talk about how really great, intimate, and loving sexual experiences will help with my shyness afterward. I'm probably going to set off some keylogger after this comment, but I felt I would take the chance.
Thanks
There was a comment made on your show pertaining to Emily Dickinson which led me to think that your panel had a somewhat incorrect view of her. Yes, she was an introvert but she was well-known in her town. Her brother was one of the leading citizens of Northampton, entertained often, and lived next door. All she had to do to meet people from all over the world was walk a few feet. She was highly regarded in her town as an intelligent, interesting woman; and was not the image of the recluse that has been made so much of in the popular culture.
"Environmental Exposure Therapy" is certainly the d/missing link {A.N.N.Y.T.}, however 'certain individuals' [certified? lol] must by systematically differenciated; start with INDI-vi-Duals, not "a dual" but duality or a liVIing-plural-society where anxiety-security is bifurcated by great-divides of geographic-environs =[N.] Atlantic vs N.Pac NORMS.
All your Family [Parents and siblings especially] could be bold and gregarious/wild/fun, but if you are 1st generation in that part of the world and you See! a normative deal breaker
you could be down-Rite[?really] Catatonic and ambIGuos[ly frustrated] at the duality of being here...): and not there ;) ,'> particularly when you are a young adult and Teen! And if the people who you look up to have "had" the opposite youth geo-experience and resultant-attitude, then "medication" and addiction['sex], and enabeling the only friends[bad compromises?] who you can make [and accept]. Then Drugs win and society looses; unless you have a specific [psych-ahaulic-lol] filter/magnetic-ID of the geographic-Norms that can make good/responsible people get tangled in the traditional Nets that seek psychopathic censure:;:only with the clarity of normative geographic bounderies [witch are fuzzy, often]. And Psychology/policy makers are like "yeah right [rite?], and how doe$ that make you feel"? prisoner of fear; "the welcome mat" lies flat over the trap door, hoping someone,,, will see the geo-normative fear {at-danger/ER!, Z'fool risque?} and form a {silent} escape-caravan beyond the mascarade and treatment charade
and level out! the normatIVe lumps {<1%} fore{!} a smooth [in?sane=lol] ride within a society of talkers and listeners, in a world of Truth and beaming life, BEFORE! fear spreads and medication[narc'$] gets accepted sans reality.
Inn season {student exchange} and geo-culturally appr'o'priate; O'k? [Just grind your teeth and look "away" for yes] there's nothing to pray-tell, only diss-certain truth and just-behaVi-or,,,
Wow. "Your own world" certainly is the best place for management, personal control and a better you. But just one person -not there physically- is an observation of life. And that person may be subliminally Extro-Venting for a push... but in the wrong direction it's just pushy noise; rite?
But Observations are the base of ID, to [pre]vent the vertical barriors ;or; oppertunities to soar without fear, that are extra import-ant to ....intra-port? {lol}
After years of suffering from Social Anxiety and not knowing what it was,This drove me to consider suicide. The fear was overpowering! Nobody understood what was happening to me.
Walking a block out of my way to avoid meeting someone I knew. Not being able to eat in public without thinking everyone was staring at me. Couldn't fill out a business form without having a breakdown, but the worst part was thinking that your not good enough, self hatred. After every conversation, I would go over what was said and think , why did I say that!, and then for days condemn myself and feel so embarrassed that hiding was the only relief. After a breakdown and by the Grace Of God came a commercial on TV for Paxil and they ask, do suffer from these symptoms? My life changed so much!!!! Now I have changed med's but continue to move outside myself and have the ability to reach out to others. Thank you for the research that is being done!! Keep it up! You are changing lives.
As an introvert and shy person I found the discussion very interesting. The comment that shy people with a mission become bold explains a lot in my life. But my question is not about myself. I am wondering if some of the characteristics of introversion such as selective mutism and problems with expression of empathy (although feeling empathy) are sometimes confused with autism spectrum disorders in young children.
Jason in Raleigh ... I wish you would have had more time to expand on what you were saying, because I'm pretty sure that I share your experience. If you are like me, the blushing cannot be controlled under any circumstance, and it is very embarrassing. For me it usually happens when the focus of attention is on me, or when I express an opinion that may be either controversial or questioned, or when I'm meeting someone that I don't know. And contrary to the response of one of the panelists, people usually DO notice it and DO comment on it or laugh, and the situation becomes a problem for me. Thanks to Google I've self-diagnosed this to be erythrophobia ... the fear of blushing and/or the fear of the color red. Red is not a color that I like ... I never wear red clothing and never use red inside my house. The term fits my experience perfectly. Thanks for your call, Jason. Would love to here that there are others like me out there!
I was terribly shy as a child and did not know that I had social anxiety. I was not diagnosed until my early thirties and since then I have been going to therapy and taking medication, both of which helps immensely.
It is sad to say that this is a widely misunderstood problem for a lot of people and it is the butt of a lot of jokes: http://michaelmaczesty.blogspot.com/2011/08/obsessive-compulsive-disorde...
I was terribly shy as a child and did not know that I had social anxiety. I was not diagnosed until my early thirties and since then I have been going to therapy and taking medication, both of which helps immensely.
It is sad to say that this is a widely misunderstood problem for a lot of people and it is the butt of a lot of jokes: http://michaelmaczesty.blogspot.com/2011/08/obsessive-compulsive-disorde...
I was terribly shy as a child and did not know that I had social anxiety. I was not diagnosed until my early thirties and since then I have been going to therapy and taking medication, both of which helps immensely.
It is sad to say that this is a widely misunderstood problem for a lot of people and it is the butt of a lot of jokes: http://michaelmaczesty.blogspot.com/2011/08/obsessive-compulsive-disorde...
I was terribly shy as a child and did not know that I had social anxiety. I was not diagnosed until my early thirties and since then I have been going to therapy and taking medication, both of which helps immensely.
It is sad to say that this is a widely misunderstood problem for a lot of people and it is the butt of a lot of jokes: http://michaelmaczesty.blogspot.com/2011/08/obsessive-compulsive-disorde...