Hoarding
http://thedianerehmshow.org/shows/2011-07-13/hoarding
We have all come across the friend or family member that collects piles of old fabric, newspaper clippings, or even buttons. It might seem harmless enough. But for some, hoarding these often valueless items takes over their lives and their homes. The most well known example of the tragic consequences of hoarding was the Collyer brothers, who died in their new york home under a literal mountain of junk. But they story is just one of many. Life management consultant Dr. Darnita Payden and psychologist Elspeth Bell discuss this surprisingly common disorder.
Guests
Darnita Payden
Life Management Specialist
Elspeth Bell
Psychologist, Behavior Therapy Center of Greater Washington
Randy Frost
Professor at Smith College and author of "Stuff: Compulsive Hoarding and the Meaning of Things"
Comments
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Having grown up in a "hoarder home", I reflect back on the social impact it created for me. From never having friends spend the night at my home, to being petrified when someone would ring the doorbell and discovering my family's "dirty little secret", my life has been seriously affected by my parents' problems, manifested by my distancing myself (socially) from everyone around me. I might add that now a man of 29, my house is meticulously clean - almost too clean.
My question for your panel: when I tried to contact someone to help my parents with their hoarding problem, there was not only nowhere to go, but nobody even remotely educated about "hoarding". Where are the resources for assist hoarders break the habit? Whom can those who want to help contact? Whom can a child of hoarders contact, so they don't have to live with the guilt and embarrassment that I did growing up?
Please ask your experts to discuss the challenge faced by families whose loved ones are resistant to help, are living in dangerous conditions, and will NOT consider any kind of consultation with a professional of any kind. PLEASE ask them what kind of support they believe should be in place for families who are scared and worried and concerned about the safety of their loved ones. Adult children of hoarders have been turning to self-help support (childrenofhoarders.com) since 2006 because we are not receiving significant support (or even understanding) from professionals.
What is the effect on children that grow up in a hoarding home?
"De-accumulate" is a word I learned from Alvin Jones. He had been a world-traveling basketball player, high school coach and school psychologist. When he and his wife looked around at all their stuff it was that word, "de-accumulate" that freed them to walk away from the family home and into a brand new, smaller condo with all new items.
It resonated with me, a 30 year school teacher, and so I try to de-accumulate every single day. It is so powerfu!
Oh my gosh. The effect is so great.
My Mother-In-Law is Still Sitting Between Us...
I am the reverse - I tend to throw out too much. My house and office are clutter free. I sometimes wonder if anyone at work thinks I do no work, given that there is very little on my desk. I have gotten into trouble in the past when I threw out something at work that I needed subsequently. I get an almost absolute thrill of either throwing things in the trash or in the recycle bin.
I cannot imagine living as the couple in your picture for the show illustrates.
Is there a gender difference? or social economic difference? Is there a higher incidence in Autism Spectrum Disorders? or other developmental disabilities?
Has the prominence of reality TV shows centered around hoarding and hoarders increased the number of hoarders? I can't help but feel that the mainstreaming of this subject by the media has trigger some people to pursue this otherwise subdued urge to hoard.
As a paramedic/EMT in North Carolina, I regularly enter hoarder's houses on 911 calls. I have noted a strong association between hoarding behaviour and significant medical issues (asthma, COPD, cardiac issues) and comorbid mental health issues (depression, anxiety, suicidal ideation).
Hoarding makes accessing, assessing, and extracting patients a safety and health hazard to EMS and fire crews. Often we have to climb over "stuff" to get to the patient. We often cannot get lifesaving equipment in to the patient, and we cannot get the patient out of the house without a lot of difficulty.
I also often notice that mental health professionals are treating the patient for anxiety or depression, but are not going far enough to treat the hoarding behaviour.
Is this an American behavioral problem or an issue in other countries of similar per capita income?
Follow-up: I would also like to add that many of our hoarders may call 911 for a medical emergency, but very often actually refuse to leave their house and their stuff. Even in cases of significant medical emergencies, it still takes a lot of argument and persuasion to convince these patients that their stuff will still be there when they return from the hospital.
We recently lost a family friend. He was suffering from cancer and we attempted to help out as he went through chemo. No one had any idea that this poor gentleman suffered with hoarding until after his death. He would not allow anyone to enter the home. After his death, to my parents horror- they found a house full of items everywhere. The stench was unbelievable. A tree was growing in through the roof. The sinks were backed up, the toilets didn't work. I suspect the house will need to be condemned. We live with incredible regret as we think of him and have come to the conclusion that this may have lead to his death- the absolute filth would have been bad for a healthy person- no less a person who endured chemo.
Had we known, could we have helped? We can only wonder. One thing I know for certain- we must talk about mental health. We must allow people to be free to feel empowered when they talk about such issues. Thank you for this program. I hope it helps someone who is struggling as our friend did and without our knowledge over 20 years.
NOTE
The police entered the home through a broken window and found him dead after he hadn't called a friend over the course of a few days. This man was wealthy and educated. He was from the UK. This is not an American problem or a problem of money. This is a mental health issue.
We have an old couple in Cary, NC whom's stuff over flowed to the outside of their home. Recently, the house burned down.
My late father accumulated vast quantities of stuff that is too useful to throw away but not easily disposable - piles of office supplies, scissors, assorted lenses, little boxes and bottles from scientific surplus companies, extra boxes of drill bits and hand tools. I am already weak-willed when it comes to getting rid of items that will be useful in future, and I am stymied about how to find new owners for these belongings. When my husband and I married we had a potlatch and gave away as much as we could, but it barely scratched the surface.
Note that I am not tempted to eliminate these "supplies" altogether. We have a farm with outbuildings and lots of space, so there is no cost to keeping stuff indefinitely.
How do you recommend disposing of small, inexpensive, still-useful items such as those described above?
Smart comment, Andrew.
Curious.
I was diagnosed with Dyslexia when I was in high school. I have had academic hurdles, but my challenges are much more in the organizational realm... sounding a lot like what has been discussed today. Is there any correlation between the two? Hoarding and dyslexia.
Casey in Alexandria
Thank goodness most people on the show and forum are not approaching this as an issue of lazyness, or direct anger towards the person with the problem. We want to help not hurt a person in this situation.
Oscar, it is everywhere. All ages. All incomes.
On hoarding:
My Mom left me lots of stuff. When, in the past, I dwelt on its value (sentimental or otherwise), I came to believe that the true legacy of my parents is me – a living legacy (and, I’m a decent fellow!). This notion lets me transcend these material circumstances of cathecting.
Thx,
MU
i would love some advice about how the spouse can deal with a hoarder.
My husband has many positive attributes but is unable to deal with his illogical connection with things. I've tried everything without success. If i try to help him i'm patronizing. If i clean up myself, he gets very angry and claims i've thrown out important things. I do have genuine compassion for his difficulty, and for the emotional connection he seems to attribute to objects, and for the shame he obviously has whenever the subject comes up or when he sees me react to the piles. But nothing changes and living this way is extremely stressful for me. Please don't suggest professional help -- he won't do it.
i would love some advice about how the spouse can deal with a hoarder.
My husband has many positive attributes but is unable to deal with his illogical connection with things. I've tried everything without success. If i try to help him i'm patronizing. If i clean up myself, he gets very angry and claims i've thrown out important things. I do have genuine compassion for his difficulty, and for the emotional connection he seems to attribute to objects, and for the shame he obviously has whenever the subject comes up or when he sees me react to the piles. But nothing changes and living this way is extremely stressful for me. Please don't suggest professional help -- he won't do it.
i would love some advice about how the spouse can deal with a hoarder.
My husband has many positive attributes but is unable to deal with his illogical connection with things. I've tried everything without success. If i try to help him i'm patronizing. If i clean up myself, he gets very angry and claims i've thrown out important things. I do have genuine compassion for his difficulty, and for the emotional connection he seems to attribute to objects, and for the shame he obviously has whenever the subject comes up or when he sees me react to the piles. But nothing changes and living this way is extremely stressful for me. Please don't suggest professional help -- he won't do it.
i would love some advice about how the spouse can deal with a hoarder.
My husband has many positive attributes but is unable to deal with his illogical connection with things. I've tried everything without success. If i try to help him i'm patronizing. If i clean up myself, he gets very angry and claims i've thrown out important things. I do have genuine compassion for his difficulty, and for the emotional connection he seems to attribute to objects, and for the shame he obviously has whenever the subject comes up or when he sees me react to the piles. But nothing changes and living this way is extremely stressful for me. Please don't suggest professional help -- he won't do it.
Hoarding has affected me several times in my life. I seem to have encountered more of it in my life than would be likely --- I'd be interested to know if it's possible that it's a fast-growing problem.
An ex-boyfriend's mother collected 6-foot-high newspapers which were 10-20 years old, which encroached on the living room but never quite took over.
One of my in-laws has a triple-decker house which he doesn't even live in, on the verge of being condemned, which amounts to a 5000 SF overstuffed closet; everything from old, moldy clothing belonging to deceased relatives to auto transmissions are in that house.
Lastly, my husband and I recently bought a house belonging to an elderly hoarder and her husband. She had recently passed away, and the children of the couple seized the opportunity to move their father (who wasn't a hoarder) to an assisted living facility. The house was de-cluttered but not cleaned, and we got the house on the market for a song. It's taken nearly two years to bring the house up to snuff, as it hadn't been re-decorated/painted, much less thoroughly cleaned, in perhaps 30 years.
Thanks to Diane for this program.
Elise
On the show Hoarders, we see younger hoarders accepting a lifestyle change more easily than older hoarders. I've also read that hoarding is a new, increasing problem because we treat hoarders more gently, by letting them escalate their hoarding beyond reasonable accommodation. Are these observations accurate?
I'm sitting here with my organizer (Michele DuJardin -- she's amazing) and typing instead of doing our de-cluttering work on schedule for today -- I'm a master procrastinator, too!
Michele says, "I feel a lot of techniques that are touted as effective by NAPO are deceptive. By not allowing your clients to handle their items before you get rid of them, by only allowing your clients to touch items one time, that can lead in the future to the client feeing as thought they've been deceived or tricked, or forced to get rid of something, that could make them never want to work with an organizer again or never get rid of anything again -- they could develop stronger attachments to items than they had before. In the example given on the air about the security blanket, if you were to take away that child's security blanket forcibly, or make the child feel they've been tricked into giving it away (the mother says, 'Oh, I sent the blanket to a farm'), that could lead to attachment to other objects and feelings of betrayal that can exacerbate an already existing problem.
As an organizer with my client, the more 'in your face' I am, the more I say, 'yes, you are getting rid of [whatever it is], but it is your choice, not something I told you to do, or that you're going to be completely crazy if you don't get rid of it,' the better the long-term result.
Hilary Kacser, Actor-Manager
"DISORDr The Play" humorously exposes PakratPatty's Collector-itis and Disposophobia -- an obsessive-compulsive's must-see!
http://disordertheplay.blogspot.com/
"first-rate actress" -- Chris Swanson, Washington City Paper Fringe & Purge, July 24, 2010
(http://www.washingtoncitypaper.com/blogs/fringe/2010/07/24/hip-shot-2-re...)
"polished...a spot-on character study. ...marvelous...sharply, subtly observed. ...superb." -- Tim Treanor, DC Theatre Scene, July 24, 2010 (http://dctheatrescene.com/2010/07/24/2-reprises-in-pursuit-of-the-englis...)
Dr. Frost describes the thousands of hoarders he has met, very few of which have "no insight." Can he acknowledge that the category of hoarders he sees (i.e. those WILLING to speak to him) are a very distinct category of hoarders, very different from those who are totally UNwilling to discuss the issue? Can we admit the limits of this kind of research just ONCE, please?
CHILDREN who are HOARDERS!!!
Please discuss how many children naturally seem to be hoarders.
My 7 year old son collects everything from fast food free toys, pictures that he likes from magazines, childrens menus, worksheets from school, rocks, stickers. Ironically he is pretty good about donating old out-grown toys. I feel that he is unnaturally attached to small objects. His stuff is in his room and very organized in bins, but he does not like to part with things that should be thrown out, recycled or donated.
How can I help him realize that his stuff is not things that he needs to keep permanently? It seems as if at his young age, I should do something now to change his behavior and attachment to things.
I am very sympathetic to his nostalgia and save his favorite old toys, do not throw out stuffed animals but the endless plastic McDonald toys and papers are accumulating fast. It's okay to collect things like rocks but to pick up and save every interesting rock he sees?!
please paraphrase if needed and do not use my name.
Dr. Frost describes the thousands of hoarders he has met, very few of which have "no insight." Can he acknowledge that the category of hoarders he sees (i.e. those WILLING to speak to him) are a very distinct category of hoarders, very different from those who are totally UNwilling to discuss the issue? Can we admit the limits of this kind of research just ONCE, please?
CHILDREN who are HOARDERS!!!
Please discuss how many children naturally seem to be hoarders.
My 7 year old son collects everything from fast food free toys, pictures that he likes from magazines, childrens menus, worksheets from school, rocks, stickers. Ironically he is pretty good about donating old out-grown toys. I feel that he is unnaturally attached to small objects. His stuff is in his room and very organized in bins, but he does not like to part with things that should be thrown out, recycled or donated.
How can I help him realize that his stuff is not things that he needs to keep permanently? It seems as if at his young age, I should do something now to change his behavior and attachment to things.
I am very sympathetic to his nostalgia and save his favorite old toys, do not throw out stuffed animals but the endless plastic McDonald toys and papers are accumulating fast. It's okay to collect things like rocks but to pick up and save every interesting rock he sees?!
please paraphrase if needed and do not use my name on the radio.