Stacey Lannert : "Redemption"
http://thedianerehmshow.org/shows/2011-03-08/stacey-lannert-redemption
At the age of 18, Stacey Lannert shot her father twice while he slept. He had sexually abused her from the age of 8, but the final straw came when he also began raping her younger sister. Lannert confessed and was found guilty of first-degree murder. The judge later said the mandatory sentence of life in prison without parole was severe for someone her age and somewhat surprising considering the sexual abuse by her father. At age 36, she was given a shot at redemption when the outgoing governor of Missouri commuted her sentence. Stacey Lannert tells the story of how she learned to be free while living behind bars.
Guests
Stacey Lannert
founder of Healing Sisters, a resource for victims of sexual abuse.
Read an Excerpt
From Redemption: A Story of Sisterhood, Survival, and Finding Freedom Behind Bars. Copyright 2011 by Stacey Lannert and Kristen Kemp. Excerpted by permission of The Crown Publishing Group, a division of Random House Inc.
Comments
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Stacey, I was afraid to listen to this program because I thought it would be too upsetting. On the other hand, I believe we owe it to you to listen. Indeed, it is very upsetting, but I am struck by your courage. You are so brave, and so good. I am so sorry you had to endure this horrible event.
I wish you a very good life. I hope you are given all the strength and love you need for the rest of your life. I hope your book will bring courage to others who have been abused as you were.
Keep searching, and know that you have so much to give this world.
That said, I am horrified by our legal system. I believe Stacey was raped by that as well as by her father. Disgusting! Shame on our legal system.
Stacey - best of luck to you.
Something about this woman's story doesn't ring true. As a male "victim" of female abuse. Not sure what, though. Diane, why are you continuing to feature women exclusively, it's gotten kinda precious. I prefer Tom Ashbrook more and more, not because of his gender but because he truly seems more objective. You don't, any more...
Stacey is a living tragedy miraculously restored, sharing her own private pogróm that others may be wholly spared.
I am reminded of a stunningly apropos observation "On Dealing with the Past by Kate Wilhelm, from her book, "Juniper Tree," 1956:
"You can accept the past and examine it, use what is valuable from it, or you can return to it to suffer again and again in whatever misery you've already had; or you can forget it, and be ruled by it in ways you'll never understand."
May Stacey thrive in true richness and happiness. Her ordeal of soul is now over. For that, she deserves a Nobel. She done noble.
Ken Goodridge
I truly feel for Stacy and appreciate her telling her story. It is in my opinion a sign of the judicial system's failings that a girl who suffered years of the worst kind of abuse was imprisoned for life for killing her tormentor.
As happy as I am that she has found peace and a way to use her experience to help others, I could never forgive a mother who stood idly by while her child was abused - especially if she experienced abuse herself. My mother was a product of an extremely abusive household. She and her sisters experienced sexual and physical abuse at the hands of their alcoholic father. But my mother is now a stronger person for it, and she would fight tooth and nail to protect me and my sister from the sort of abuse she experienced.
I am the husband of an abused woman. She was abused as a teenager. Is there anything I can do to support her healing?
The tone of the program has gone way off course. Male bashing, when it should be police bashing. But police are underpaid, so we get ignorant law enforcement officers. What I object to in this show, as too many of Diane's, is that "men" are villains. It's not that simple...
I'll buy the book. Good for her. While understanding the past is important, it's key to understand also that you can and should set yourself free by not dwelling on experiences like those. Shit happens. Life is short. So many people are so screwed up. I relate to how Stacey was relieved to go to prison, just to get away from unchecked people like her father. Kudos to Stacey. Rock on! -
- male survivor
That school guidance councilor who Stacey told should be fired. Also, I believe it is against the law to ignore this kind of knowledge. What on earth could that councilor be thinking!!?
Hi Diane,
It is so brave of Ms. Lannert to tell her story. My heart goes out to her.
My father attempted to sexually abuse me when I was 17. I was able to stop him. I did eventually tell my mother. Shame and his threats prevented from telling her right away. However, to this day, at least one family member does not believe me and others are suspicious about the truth of it. Years later, my husband had tried to strangle me as well (long story). These same family members doubt this as well, including my mother. It is amazing how many people blame the victim, shifting the focus away from the abuser and horror of sexual and domestic violence.
Abuse in any form is horrifying. I am a victim of sexual abuse by family but it ended early for me, it stoped at oral sex so I consider myself lucky. I didn't realize I was abused until I was almost an adult. The hardest part was forgiving and releasing myself and the people who abused me. I have great compassion for eveyone, male, female, adult and child who has been through abuse. Keep up the fantastic work Stacey and I'm so very glad you came out of prision with positive results, rare in of itself, super rare for somebody living after abuse. I am very up front with my past with everyone, even though I do not name my abusers, because I want to open the door to conversations that can lead to healing. I had not realized how that affected people until a friend had repressed memories of her father sexually abusing her and all her sisters take over her life. As she was healing she came to me to talk. Imagine what affect your book and this interview will have on victims. Congratulations!
Stacy, I'm a Black male who was born to very good parents, who simply did the best they could all the time, on a very meager income, to help us develop a sense of both pride and responsibility. I am very glad that with all your trials, you developed that same sense. Thank you for everyone who is out there suffering and who is afraid today.
I just wanted to pass along the remarkable success I've had with EMDR (a type of therapy). Under going EMDR, removed the heavy dark cloak of the depression and sadness following a tragic event. I still have the memory of what occurred, but it no longer permeates and sullies my life and decisions - I'm able to be entirely normal and functioning - experiencing joy, sorrow, happiness, anger, fear, nervousness, etc - all within the normal range. In my particular case, one session of EMDR worked for me - I was deeply depressed, lachrymose, angry, numb - today, a hard-working, even-keeled woman with hopes and plans.
I would love Diane Rehm to explore EMDR, it's fascinating and I don't know why it works so effectively, and would love to learn more via Diane Rehm's research and interviewing techniques.
Stacey,
Your grace and courage continue to inspire me!
David, I am sorry you hear the program as going off course. I too sometimes struggle female perpetrators never being mentioned. Unfortunately, men are the overwhelming majority of offenders and girls mostly the victims. Instead of turning off because of what we don't want to hear, let us rather do what is right to protect all of our children.
The numerous tragic stories of such harm and damage and crime are heartbreaking, but need exposure.. Violence against women is not examined enough.. Assault, rape, murder are taken for granted and we have too long blamed the victim. The media is full of crime against women. But we must ask " What is wrong with how we raise boys? The issue of what is wrong with our young men, their socialization, objectification of women, racism, homophobia must be examined. The male holding a young girlfriend by her neck, the violence of porn, advertising, objectifying, sexualization of younger girls are unhealthy and it's effects on children, male children needs much greater concern. What is going on with our boys? Husbands murder their wives, are irrationally and violently jealous, act as if the women are their property. Where is a society wide look at the boys, raising the males? David, very sorry for the abuse you suffered, but this issue of male violence is imperative!
As the 32 year spouse of a women who was molested by her mother's boss (business owner, model citizen, church deacon, etc.), everything Stacey said is so familiar. Silence, protection of a younger sister, denial by others, shame, helplessness, constant fear, internalization, dissociation, etc., etc., etc…
I'll just add the frustration of decades of paying for this monster's crime (he died years ago) in the damage to my wife and our relationship. Even with therapy and years of all the support I can provide, he is a ghost that stands between my wife and any sexual intimacy. The public perception and criminal prosecution of this horrific crime still misses the fact that a molested child is damaged for life. At best, survivors live with the nightmares, regressions into the past, dissociation, self-loathing, and the inability to trust anyone (including self to a great extent) with their deepest darkest secrets: regardless of their innocence. Understanding the damage and the prevalence of this assault on the soul of a child makes me hate my own gender. I can only channel this energy into support of rape crisis centers.
Stacey and Diane, thank you both. I hope my wife will be able to listen to the show, but I doubt she will.
Stacy;s story of abuse is false. I have seen the affidavit signed by her sister Christy that states NO abuse EVER took place. Mr. Lannert was not a perfect father and did abuse alcohol but he was NOT a child abuser. He did over-indulge those girls and there in lies the problem. When Stacy began to insist on more money he pulled back and she became angry. Mr. Lannert had a live-in girlfriend for a time, who said she never witnessed any abuse by him, in all the time they were together. She did see them talk to him in a disrespectful manner on a daily basis. After her grandmother died she expected to receive some money, but when her father didn't fork it over, her anger grew. She was forging checks with his name by this point. She then went to live with her mother/stepfather in Guam but after only a couple of wks she wasn't happy with their rules & expectations and moved back with Dad. So it’s hard to believe if she was being abused she would go right back to live with him. And never mention to her mother the so-called abuse they were experiencing. She tried to convince Christy to shoot him that day, but Christy couldn't do it and so Stacy finally did. They took Dad's credit cards, checked into a motel and partied all night with friends. Psychiatrist who examined her after the murder said she was a sociopath. But Mr. Lannert’s family suspected women’s groups helped steer her towards the story she now tells. She cheapens what really occurs for actual abuse victim, wasting our time and resources.
^ beware of trolls!
To those that doubt Stacey's story, I am an expert in and teach college courses on Deception. I have met with and studied Stacey for over 11 years and she is telling the truth about the abuse. However, as a professor of Criminal Justice of 20 years, I can also say that even if all those other issues claimed against her were true, the time she served in prison was still much more than most offenders who committed their murderous acts for pure pleasure and show no remorse.
That said, the focus on Stacey should now be on what a fantastic person she has become. SHe has overcome the handicap of incarceration and has successfully re-integrated into normal life and in doing so has been helping many others. Stacey is an excellent example of a good human regardless of her past. How much she has mastered since her release is absolutely incredible!
A closet perp?
I heard the show today and found it quite compelling. I thought her comment about 'people not wanting to believe bad things of other people' to be quite intriguing because I think I fall into that category. The horrific life that she endured is very difficult for me to absorb, however, her relating of the tale seems very sincere. I may buy the book.
In response to your point about her time served in prison, I too had hoped when she was released she would make amends for what had occurred in her past and set the record straight. That behavior I could admire. Unfortunately, her father isn't here to defend himself, and that has proven to be very convenient for her to continue to muddy his name and cash-in on the fable she has created.
How are you so sure of your views, Stubbs71? You don't support your statements.
Many of these facts were introduced during her trial and are part of the testimony. And her stealing from her father (along with her grandmother who lived next door) was communicated to close family members, long before the murder occurred. Her father had a sizable estate and that was her motive. You may not consider any of that proof; but I ask you what proof does Stacy offer to you? I cannot reconcile why she went to Guam and left her sister in the care of her father, (her mother testified to that visti) when she tells the story of deciding to murder him in order to save her sister from the abuse she "endured".
What a touching story I heard on your show on International Women's Day! I am inspired to do greater things in my life and to have as much strength, wisdom, and forgiveness as Stacy has shown.
Looking forward to hearing more stories about strong women throughout the rest of Women's History Month!
I wish Stacy and everyone else peace, love, compassion, and grace in their lives.
Thank you! Wonderfully said!!
I was very disappointed in Diane's handling of a caller on this segment. The caller apparently had been abused and was still experiencing abuse.
Diane faded her out while she was still talking. Her issue was not addressed nor did Diane say to her that she would turn the call over to a producer so the caller could get help. Something! The caller just got faded out, while Diane and the guest talked further.
This struck me as extremely crass and insensitive. I don't remember much about the guest, but this incident has concerned me since that show, both in terms of Diane's attitude and concern for the caller.
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Thank you, stubbs71. As the daughter of the live-in girlfriend of their father, who sometimes lived with the girls when not at college, I am so glad someone is familiar with who Stacey, her mother and her sister really are. I have had to deal with them living and telling this story to anyone who will listen but having been there, I know they are lying. Debbie, the mother, sent Stacy back from Guam because she was misbehaving as I recall, but then she was always leaving the girls. These women use sympathy from people like most people use oxygen. Read more about this case please, Stacey went thru several lawyers, was apparently dealing drugs to where people were throwing rocks thru the front window of their house, and Tom caught her forging checks months before he died, cutting her off monetarily in punishment. He was no angel, however he was funny, indulgent, successful, and I never saw anything that was suspect, I never saw anything remotely close to the story Stacey has been telling and I was right there. Note that she has never included anyone close to those years in any of her retelling, she only talks about herself and her mother and sister. Those girls sat in his lap, bugged him, joked with him, and even my college roommate remembered how horribly spoiled they were. I was there and this story is so much more psychotic and complex than any of you can ever imagine. So thank you, stubbs71, for putting the real story and the court documents Christy signed out there. I know this will catch up with them all, someone won't get enough money for keeping their mouth shut and they will all turn on one another. Just waiting for when.
She had to go to Guam cause she was caught sneaking boys into our apartment in Soulard and sneaking out of the house without telling anyone, when Tom laid down some rules, Stacey asked to go live with her mother. Christy actually adored her father, had a similar sense of humor, and actually hung out with him quite a bit. Their grandmother was sickly and at one point the family was worried that Stacey might have killed the grandmother too, as she was the person administering her grandmother's shots before her death---when Stacey freaked out about the May's estate being withheld from her, the family saw a big red flag. Proof is that Stacy only made the abuse story bigger on the 2nd or 3rd lawyer but never involved anyone from the actual time she lived with Tom as a witness to what went on. As I recall, Stacey and Christy did not like or trust each other much, but liked to party together. They fought all of the time, and not just sister fighting, but punches thrown redneck fighting. Something they said they admired in their Aunt Darla.