Peggy Orenstein: "Cinderella Ate My Daughter"
http://thedianerehmshow.org/shows/2011-01-27/peggy-orenstein-cinderella-ate-my-daughter
Pink is everywhere today. Walk into any toy store and it is easy to recognize items meant for little girls -- sparkly dress-up clothes, tiaras, even pink sports equipment. Some mothers embrace their daughters’ choice to celebrate femininity – especially given their success in the classroom and on the playing field. Others question what princess mania may mean for girls as they become young teens. Still others see the new girlie-girl culture as a product of mass marketing that threatens to consume their daughters. The dark side of pretty and pink: how choices we make for our toddlers can influence their teenage years and beyond.
Guests
Peggy Orenstein
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"I'm not apposed to young women having sex..." says the guest.
Someone just lost credibility with me. She doesn't think women should bond with their daughters by shopping, playing with make-up, and heaven forbid, attend a manicure party, that her own daughter wouldn't be allowed to attend one, or get a manicure until she's sixteen, but go ahead, have sexual intercourse!!!
I have all daughters. I see the crazy, sexy, bratty, spoiled products on the market all the time. I don't buy that stuff, my neighbors don't generally buy it. Yes my 4 yr. old has a tinkerbell scooter, but you should see her go over the little jump we've made in the backyard. Yes, my two older daughters each have an american girl, but I'm not going to go out and buy $500 in clothing. They make clothes for their dolls. This isn't any different from the gorgeous china doll their great grandmother had. A grandmother who received a bachelor's degree from an top university in a time when most women didn't do that. I've followed her example. I suspect my daughters will too despite the fact that they've dressed up as princesses. And, although acceptable by the guest, I didn't sleep around as a young women.
Honestly, I think this segment was just a little over the top. Most of us mothers are smart consumers, smart mothers, care about the betterment of our daughters. Their self-esteme, academics, and helping them follow their dreams are our top priority.
I love this important topic. In the early 1970s I struggled as a female mathematician and IT developer to enter the then-male-dominated workforce. When our first child (daughter) was born, I decided to perform a social experiment. Since her birth, the toys we acquired for her included some then-targeted for young male children. One of her favorites was a large Tonka bulldozer she used to level our back yard. It worked! She now works at a manufacturing corporpation in Indianapolis as an Industrial Engineer. She can do anything in her chosen field and is quite creative and successful! She is married to an engineer, is loving mother of our two young grandsons (10 and 7), and teaches them how to execute mechanical tasks around the home. No . . . she did not give up her feminine side.
I'm confused, we're teaching little girls to conform to society as man dictates it. I consider myself to have a healthy perspective, I embrace my femininity and at the same time I embrace feministic side. And yes, you can do both! Why would anyone want to strip a girl of what makes her different. Why would we want a woman to feel that she's only worthy if only she is more like a man. Last I checked we weren't trying to strip boys of their masculinity to fit into a girls world. And for those who truly believe teaching girls that gorgeous suits and high heels puts them at a disadvantage in the real world and that they would be better of wearing pants and flats, that's just wrong. Reality is everyone has to bring their "A" game to life and teaching a girl they aren't going to make in the real world wearing high heels is absurd. Don't misunderstand me, if a girl has no interest in makeup, high heels or anything else "girlie", she is still going to find her equivalent to dresses and heals, perhaps jean cowboy boots and an au naturele appearance. She should be encouraged to embrace those boots like a woman would high heels. Empowering every little girl to be true to themselves, whether it's ruffles and pink or it's Tonka trucks and fire engines, is what's important. It takes all kind, but don't think for a minute that being that a girly girl is at a disadvantage. In fact she very well may hold the superpowers. Throughout time society has dictated our roles, partly because it works, we need to compliment the opposite sex and what kind of world would it be if we only thought we were only worthy if we conformed to man's world. The beauty of being a strong, happy thriving, successful woman is being true to who we are, pink or no pink!
Ms. Orenstein said her daughter is now 7 years old - so she is still young. When my daughter was 3 my daughter loved Disney! Then, she took to wearing only skirts and dresses - no pants. She would wear jeans only when horseback riding.
I bought dresses and skirts with frills and ruffles; scoured the web for awesome stockings (she also wore them year-round). Shoes were pretty but no heels. Throughout this stage my daughter had other interests: riding,nature, history, and the Americal Girl Doll. Because of her attire and appearance, my daughter often received praise and comments from friends and strangers (one woman in the American Girl Doll store told her "You should be a model for a doll").
So, what did this do to my daughter? She learned to do a lot of things in skirts. When her class went to a sheep farm she still wore skirts - telling me "I'm wearing my hiking boots". She learned to be her own person. Often other people (usually girls) asked her why she always wore skirts. She would reply "Because I want to."
Now, in high school, my daughter is on the robotics team and in a STEM program. She is a strong, intelligent, independent young woman who is very much at home with power tools ("can I have a hammerdrill for my birthday?").
My point? A girl at 7 may not be the girl you see at 14/15. It's all about balance. Liking princesses isn't a death sentence as long as it's not the ONLY interest.
I would like to see this princess phenomenon set in a wider context, e.g. globally and historically. I suspect that it is much ado about something hard-wired into our species, regardless one's personal fantasies about how humans should behave. The show would have benefitted from an anthropologist's perspective.
For example, here's a quote from South Korea:
http://www.nytimes.com/2009/12/23/world/asia/23seoul.html
"It's O.K., dear,” said her mother, Seo Hye-kyong. “[Acupuncture] will help make you pretty and tall. It will make you Cinderella."