Peggy Orenstein: "Cinderella Ate My Daughter"
http://thedianerehmshow.org/shows/2011-01-27/peggy-orenstein-cinderella-ate-my-daughter
Pink is everywhere today. Walk into any toy store and it is easy to recognize items meant for little girls -- sparkly dress-up clothes, tiaras, even pink sports equipment. Some mothers embrace their daughters’ choice to celebrate femininity – especially given their success in the classroom and on the playing field. Others question what princess mania may mean for girls as they become young teens. Still others see the new girlie-girl culture as a product of mass marketing that threatens to consume their daughters. The dark side of pretty and pink: how choices we make for our toddlers can influence their teenage years and beyond.
Guests
Peggy Orenstein
author
Comments
Please familiarize yourself with our Code of Conduct and Terms of Use before posting your comments.
It should be no surprise to anyone that with this kind of commercialized culture for girls that emphasizes appearance, we have a gender gap in math and science achievement in school. Toys for boys emphasize spatial relationships, problem solving and creative construction. Toys for girls, particularly within the princess culture, emphasize looking good on the outside, with not a thought for character. What possible possible life lesson does this teach girls? They learn to be dependent, mindless consumers with no critical thinking skills.
Thank you so much for this book and this program. I was a tomboy but raised in a culture that taught me that it was weird that I didn't like to play with Barbie's, didn't like pink, didn't like to be sparkly. No matter what parents say, this impacts a girl's self esteem, and reinforces existing gender norms that tell us there is only one way to be a girl, and one way to be a boy. I'm certain that this contributed to my later struggles with depression, another issue that is on the rise for young girls. Can you talk about any connections you see?
I completely agree with the demise of the childhood experience. However, the very people who buy these items are responsible for the discovery and development of these products. As a child, I loved Cinderella. It is a disgrace that our society and product developers have destroyed the essence of the individuals like Walt Disney, who created these magically stories and characters that were intended to entertain and inspire in a equitable "fashion".
Fairytale Incorporated
I am the father of two girls (african decent) and I find myself fighting to find balance the torrent of influence from the media / commercialization and healthy self image for black girls. There are a few good signs I like (too few in my opinion) e.g. I love my hair from sesame street.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=enpFde5rgmw
My 3.5 year old loves this one.
T
Peggy is selling female misogyny and raising another generation of women whose only ideal is to be like men and to reject their own gender's sensibilities.
I am 57 and have a 16 yr old daughter. I am also have a twin brother. Finally, I am a psychologist.
Here are my points. Growing up I felt pressures driven by stereotypes. I was given a red lunch box at the beginning of first grade, my brother received a blue one. I, a normally quiet and compliant child, screamed at my mother that she had given me the red lunchbox because I was a girl. didn't she know I preferred blue? My brother thought I was nuts and gave me his blue box.
Fast forward to my own daughter. I painted her room blue, I gave her toys of all colors. Her clothes were generic and not particularly feminine. I bought her doll a stroller and worked hard to find one that was not pink, that was hard work and my mother in law wondered why. I thought by having a pink toy no boys would want to play with it
The point is here that boys are just as limited by the current situation as girls. Walking down the aisles of toys r us boys have only one choice be violent and aggressive. Girls are all girlie and the kids can't cross the aisles
I read somewhere that this bifurcation actually occurred before the princess issue of the early 90s. When television commercials started marketing specific toys specifically towards girls or boys. with that marketing came more seperation between the sexes during all sorts of play.
Finally, as a mother who was aware of these issues, making conscious decisions to not pidgeon hole and sexualize my daughter I also know that she has had more social struggles than her pink conforming peers and has had to learn how to navigate the social world of girls while being true to herself
Please, please, please....isn't childhood about building skills and a knowledge fund?
I work with school kids and see, daily, the tragedy of kids who aren't being taught to cross streets safely, have not mastered any level of riding bicycles, and who don't have a clue about basefall or football rules.
(Trust me, academic curiosity is in the BACK SEAT,here)
Parents, turn off the media and the teeee veeee and GET TO WORK ! !
Go! Go! Tiger moms (and dads).
Home Building in Wichita
One mistake adults often make with girls is telling them how cute they are. They start to believe they are valuable to the world because of their beauty. Tell them they are talented, smart, athletic, strong, artistic.
Show them examples of amazing women in the world who are amazing in a variety of ways.
Joy Justice
Fort Wayne, Indiana
Question: How does your guest view the advertising, which constantly bombards both males and females their "ideal self," and how this would be corrected? Mainly, with a dangerous view of what beauty is for females, and an aggressive view of masculinity for males.
Taylor Ferguson
Tampa, Florida
When I found out that I was having a girl with my first child, I cried and cried saying "I don't know how to raise a girl." I told my husband that growing up as a Tomboy, I didn't know how to "teach her to be a girl"- putting on makeup, wearing dresses etc. I consider myself a well-educated feminist, and yet my first feeling was that somehow, my version of feminism wasn't "enough." Where is the line between being a Tomboy who "doesn't fit in" with the girls/ is excluded and being the Queen Princess. What are concrete ways to TEACH that line?
Thanks for discussing this topic.
I believe our corporate culture, which constantly spends billions of dollars to market to children, is inherently immoral. Teams of highly paid adult researchers/marketers scheme to hook our children on so many unhealthy or age inappropriate things-junk food, violence, sex, and materialism. It's so completly unjust - corporations versus tots. Parents have an upward climb in instilling a different set of values with our small budgets and zero advertising space.
i loved the princess stuff when i was a child in the seventies. there is nothing wrong with girls being feminine it's perfectly natural. however, the media and brittney spears and parents can take the blame for early sexualization of young girls. parents are supposed to protect their children, that is part of their job.
i can say with some assurance that conservative Christian parents would never allow anything like that to happen with their daughters.
My 6h grade daughter and her friend related to me just last week that they were being teased because my daughter didn't have Ugg boots and her friend wore fake Uggs. These are boots that cost as much as $180 dollars that these girls will outgrow by next year. I know other mothers have struggled with this and have allowed their girls to buy them if they pay for them themselves. It's the 6th grade girl status symbol for our school, and I'm astounded at how high the bar has been set, and wondering how this happened.
PADDED BRAS FOR PRE TEEN girls! I was appalled (and still am) by the sight of padded bras for little girls, at Target. I was looking for clothing for my three granddaughters, ages 5, 6, and 7 years old, and there, in their area, were PADDED BRAS! What on earth is wrong with people, who believe these are necessary? I find this appallation more disturbing than the tiara faze.
The idea that women who look like women and embrace their feminity are stupid is a clever modernized version of misogyny that encourages women to hate themselves and each other.
The idea that women who look like women and embrace their feminity are stupid is a clever modernized version of misogyny that encourages women to hate themselves and each other.
As the mother of 3 daughters, now ages 12, 15 and 17 I can tell you this phenomenon has deeply impacted our family when shopping for clothes for middle schoolers. The tarting up of girls in society since I've been a mother has made it really difficult to find cute, comfortable and age appropriate and modest clothing for girls. Mind you, I'm no prude, but please! So many shirts that are too low cut. So many sweatpants with writing on the butt, (designed to call attention there). And don't even get me started on the bratty sayings on shirts, shorts, etc. I've just used the whole movement as many "teachable moments" to educated my girls at how ridiculous it all is. Now we enjoy laughing at it.
The idea that women who look like women and embrace their feminity are stupid is a clever modernized version of misogyny that encourages women to hate themselves and each other.
My daughter is twelve and in her first year of junior school. Disney has been an impediment to good parenting for a decade. While their preschool programming is a lovely exception, their tweens programming and marketing is deplorable. We have tried to limit our kids' access to the shows, but find it increasingly difficult as their peers have greater influence.
We have really encouraged our daughter to pursue team sports. When she was little, it was fun and great exercise. As she enters puberty, sports teams have become our sneaky weapon for directing her focus to good character and self-esteem building. The camaraderie is wonderful! The girls who stay in sports are typically pretty self-assured, not easily intimidated, and support each other. Many of them are still very feminine and even "girlie", but they are too busy winning games to worry about their hair. :)
The idea that women who look like women and embrace their feminity are stupid is a clever modernized version of misogyny that encourages women to hate themselves and each other.
The idea that women who look like women and embrace their feminity are stupid is a clever modernized version of misogyny that encourages women to hate themselves and each other.
The idea that women who look like women and embrace their feminity are stupid is a clever modernized version of misogyny that encourages women to hate themselves and each other.
The idea that women who look like women and embrace their feminity are stupid is a clever modernized version of misogyny that encourages women to hate themselves and each other.
The idea that women who look like women and embrace their feminity are stupid is a clever modernized version of misogyny that encourages women to hate themselves and each other.
The idea that women who look like women and embrace their feminity are stupid is a clever modernized version of misogyny that encourages women to hate themselves and each other.
The idea that women who look like women and embrace their feminity are stupid is a clever modernized version of misogyny that encourages women to hate themselves and each other.
As the father of two daughters, I want to chime in on the conversation. My youngest, who has a strong personality, has gone through all the phases, princess to pirate. Her mother and I have supported her interests in what ever it was that she was interested in. We never made the focus of her existence the phase of the week or projected fears that this is where she would end up. It was always assumed that she was trying out different personalities and would take the pieces that were most comfortable to her (not us, her) and keep them and reject the rest. She turned out to be an incredible mish-mash of all she tried out and that personality is uniquiely hers. Parents need to quit steering the child and direct the child. There is a big difference.
My daughter is twelve and in her first year of junior school. Disney has been an impediment to good parenting for a decade. While their preschool programming is a lovely exception, their tweens programming and marketing is deplorable. We have tried to limit our kids' access to the shows, but find it increasingly difficult as their peers have greater influence.
We have really encouraged our daughter to pursue team sports. When she was little, it was fun and great exercise. As she enters puberty, sports teams have become our sneaky weapon for directing her focus to good character and self-esteem building. The camaraderie is wonderful! The girls who stay in sports are typically pretty self-assured, not easily intimidated, and support each other. Many of them are still very feminine and even "girlie", but they are too busy winning games to worry about their hair. :)
If younger and younger girls start wearing cosmetics, the young boys will notice and these girls will get more attention..which will spur further usage. As a young boy I found myself fascinated by the one girl with huge lashes...I had no idea it wasn't natural, but I was manipulated by the glamor techniques which existed for that exact purpose. The boys are no match for these beauty enhancements and the girls are going to use them if they can...only a relentless parent has any hope to break the cycle. Good luck!
I teach middle school and have seen the effect of raising princesses. Girls who have had too much of this do not want to speak in class or call attention to themselves in any way except how they look and whether the boys like them. Girls with a variety of interests and experiences seem okay. At the same time, in 25 years of teaching, I have noticed that boys have become far more body conscious. 12 year olds worry their abs are not good enough.
I raised my own kids, both sons and daughters, with a lot of effort to keep popular culture at bay. No princessy/Teen magazines, minimal Disney contact, no cable, no video games. Lots of pretend (dolls, trucks, trains, art stuff, etc.), exercise, literature, outdoors time, music.
The result: boys who get along with girls as friends and girls who like boys as friends, daughters and sons who love science and math and language, and kids who know their own strengths and weaknesses. The girls dress nicely and look feminine, the boys dress like young men. The girls would be invited to princess parties and they would go but they didn't think about them much afterward. Sometimes when they were little they felt a bit out of it, but they always have had good friends. They have different and overlapping interests. They didn't begin to care how the looked before adolescence. Until that time, I would make sure they dressed so that they fit in enough, but there was little sparkle. We can raise our kids to be strong and not shallow, but as parents we have to guide them. We have to know when as parents we are being exploited by businesses who simply want to sell us something.