Darin Strauss: "Half a Life"
http://thedianerehmshow.org/shows/2010-11-22/darin-strauss-half-life
Police call them ‘dart-out’ deaths: car crashes where someone moves suddenly in front of an automobile. Insurance companies call them “no-fault fatalities.” Novelist Darin Strauss was 18 in 1988 when a bicyclist swerved across two lanes of traffic into the path of the car he was driving. It took him 20 years to write about the collision, funeral, and drama of a high-stakes court case. The police and eyewitnesses testified there was no way he could have avoided the accident. Still, he struggled with feelings of guilt and responsibility. He describes how he came to face the hard fact: we can try our human best in a crucial moment, and it might not be good enough.
Guests
Darin Strauss
author of "Chang and Eng," "The Real McCoy" and "More Than It Hurts You."
Comments
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Darin's experience and feelings reflect those I experienced when my 15-year-old sister died in a motorcycle accident when we were both teenagers. After the funeral, I found my mother crying and asked what I could do. She said "just never do anything to hurt us." I took that to heart for 30 years and did everything I could to not hurt them or anyone else in my life. Of course in the process I lost track of my own needs and wants. Years later, when Mom was drifting in and out of early demention, she told me she remembered saying that to me, although I had never brought it up, and in fact had almost forgotten it. She apologized, saying that was "too much to ask." It blew me away and changed my life.
I so appreciate hearing Darin talk about this today. The issues of teens and loss are not often discussed.
Regarding "WHY" she darted out ... I have a child who is 13 that I do not let ride a bike down the street alone, after watching him "dart out" on a number of occasions. My other two children are very careful, and always look before entering the roadway. I have also almost hit a "dart out" boy on a bike. I can see how this would change your life, but hope you can be a survivor. I'm sure the deceased would not have wanted you to suffer for being in the wrong place at the wrong time, and not having "superman" insticts and reflects.
I do not think that Darin Strauss should have to account for what he is going to do with the profits from his book. Writing is his life's work. I am sure he spent a lot of time writing the book and he has a family to support. He is not being opportunistic in any way. The book will be very helpful to many people. That is a gift to the public.
My heart goes out to Darin. I want to correct the emailer from Dallas who said a young pedestrian's death ignited a "firestorm of hatred" toward the bicylist who ran into her. Not so. The young woman who was killed was a member of my church and at no time did I ever hear anyone, including her family, blame the cyclist. She was obviously distracted and at fault. Nor did most Dallasites blame the cyclist. What the incident did ignite was a conversation over how to prevent another such tragedy and acknowledgement that: 1) the popular trail where Lauren died is too crowded with a jumble of runners, walkers and cyclists; 2) too many trail users are distracted and all need to be more careful and respectful of one another.
Thanks.
Patricia from near Dallas
Hold on just a minute, holier than thou Diane. I was walking on a sidewalk on Massachusetts AVenue near the STarbucks and Crate and Barrel stores when you & your husband drove across the sidewalk. Your own life would have been radically altered had I not jumped out of your way. You narrowly missed me -- and only glared at me, as if I was at fault for using the sidewalk. Your own behavior is not one to take as an example. Neither of you even stopped the car long enough to see if I was OK.
I met a woman years ago who's daughter was killed when she drove directly in front of a large truck in New York. The truck driver was not at fault, and the family did not blame him. Then, months later, the truck driver sued the family for millions of dollars, because he said the trauma he endured was so great. I will never forget that story, how outraged I was. What do you think?
My mother, driving down a steep hill in heavy traffic, watched as a girl up ahead looked at the traffic and ran into the road. Maybe the sun was in her eyes, was all she could think to say to the police. There were forty witnesses. My mother was nearly a quarter of a mile away from the actual impact, but was profoundly struck. They all were.
Darin, I am so sorry that this happened to all involved. Would you please address how the friends in your car have handled this tragedy? Have they also experienced PTSD symptoms? Thanks, Steve Yedinak
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The sex ratio at birth has hovered around 105 boys for every 100 girls for the last century in the United States of America. http://www.stat.columbia.edu/~cook/movabletype/archives/2007/05/sex_rati...
In 1990 there were 105 boys for every 100 girls in the 5-19 year old age group. http://www.infoplease.com/ipa/A0110384.html
Please take a moment to study these statistics after hearing the interview with Darin Strauss, reflecting on both. Consider the information and what was said in the interview, thinking critically about how our society works. What is considered acceptable? What is encouraged? Who is congratulated and who is ridiculed? It may very well be eye opening.
"Half a Life" - Thank you for a very interesting topic. I'm glad 'traffic suicide' was mentioned. Years ago I nearly struck an elderly woman who was walking roadside when suddenly she turned in front of my vehicle. I missed her, pulled off the road and could see she was confused and disoriented, her little dog was whining and shaking, and so I took them both for evaluation (the dog to the vet, she to the hospital). She admitted wanting to end her life and had given several tablets of codeine to her little dog. Both regained their health and independence weeks afterward.
It can take a long time--a lifetime--to work through shame.
DIANE REHM, Tres in Dallas, this morning caller,I could not communicate,emotions trump articulation.Consider death was her peace? Can you be thankful she died? She did not live like my sweet son survived. I understand the torment that Darin felt and has continued to feel.My Tru, because of the diffused axonal brain injury can not walk or talk, hold a thought or care for himself. The boy driver,hit Tru skateboarding,was 18 also.He came to see Tru twice,visiting long enough for ‘show and tell’ and realize what damage had been done. My prayer was that the boy would somehow feel,a wanted responsibility to be with Tru and help him grow.A novel,enduring relationship between the boys and how even in tragedy there is eternal hope. I miss Tru,seeing him painting and realizing he was emerging as a artist and what a wonderful sensation to know he was on a path of discovery. Severe traumatic brain injury is dance with a spirit that is incapable of engagement. What I wanted to say was because he lived,you have no idea what it has been like to be sucked into the vortex of THE SYSTEM,insurance applications,denials,over treated ,neglect, hospitals, nursing homes,rehabs,hundreds of thousands of dollars medical,the legal mandates, guardianships, special needs trust funds,all because of distractions.What I wanted to say was the life we choose to live is no accident. It would have been easier had the paramedics not brought my son back to life at the scene of the accident. Because of the accident Tru and I have set off in a new direction.I have met parents or loved ones that define the word champion by their undaunting love and care for the person who can no longer live without continuous help.What I wanted to say is because of the accident life tastes better !Love is stronger,time is more precious, thoughts are more valuable.The sunsets are more brilliant.Had he died at he scene of the accident,would I still feel this way? Diane,thank you for being the prefect verbal hostess.
The thing people don't realize is when people do strenuous athletic activity like bicycling and jogging for an extended period is that the body produces endorphins that make them high which leads to impaired judgment. So when that girl swerved in front of Darin's car she, if she'd been riding for a few miles, was so intoxicated that she didn't know what she was doing. People who jog and ride bicycles in traffic areas need to become aware of this. Not to mention that cyclists often violate traffic laws.
When I'm out delivering newspapers in the morning I see bicyclists blowing through stop signs as fast as they can. I know why they do it. I used to ride a bicycle in my younger days. The breeze from the motion keeps you cool so when you stop it's like stepping into a blast furnace. all these things combined impair a cyclists judgment and they are the ones who need to be the most alert and keep in mind the distance it takes a car to come to a stop.
Then there is the suicide factor. Here in Dayton back around '98 a young woman killed herself by throwing herself in front of a semi on I-75. I'm Not even going to go into young boys and their daredevil antics on bicycles and skateboards in traffic.
In conclusion, I find Darin's admission that he flirted with girls at the accident scene rather disturbing. If something like that happened to me sex would be totally nonexistent in my mind period! Even when I was young.