Scott Simon: "Baby We Were Meant for Each Other"
http://thedianerehmshow.org/shows/2010-08-30/scott-simon-baby-we-were-meant-each-other
NPR host Scott Simon on falling in love at first sight -- wtih the two baby girls he and his wife adopted from China. A personal tale of the joys of adoption and becoming a first-time father later in life.
Guests
Scott Simon
host of NPR's "Weekend Edition with Scott Simon" and author of "Baby, We Were Meant for Each Other," "Home and Away" and "Jackie Robinson and the Integration of Baseball."
Comments
Please familiarize yourself with our Code of Conduct and Terms of Use before posting your comments.
As one of five adopted children, I have found such delight in listening to Scott Simon's story of his precious adopted daughters. Thank you for sharing this touching story!
We have a 4 year old girl we adopted from China, on her first birthday. Mr. Simon's story is just making me smile from ear to ear. It is so much the same as ours.
With respect for his positive experience, I am alarmed that Mr. Simon neglects to discuss the issues of attachment involved in any adoption, and the additional issues of loss of language and cultural identity involved in international adoption. As a therapist who has worked with families trying to help children with attachment disorder, I think it is irresponsible to give people the impression that grief and loss issues will not have to be dealt with periodically throughout the child's development and even into adulthood. It is much harder for the majority of the adoptive families I know to deal with this than Mr. Simon's describes, and those hoping to adopt should be educated so they won't be disappointed and at risk for adoption dissolution.
Our adopted Korean daughter, Maia, is now 26 and continues to delight us. Mr. Simon's comments brought back that moment of ecstasy when she was handed to us as if it were yesterday. I am crying the same tears of joy. Thank you for writing this book tha I will share with Maia. Enjoy every second with your daughters!
Our adopted Korean daughter, Maia, is now 26 and continues to delight us. Mr. Simon's comments brought back that moment of ecstasy when she was handed to us as if it were yesterday. I am crying the same tears of joy. Thank you for writing this book tha I will share with Maia. Enjoy every second with your daughters!
I know the agency we worked with did a lot of training on the front in to prepare us for attachment issues. We didn't not run into many of those issue, but I am sure that some of that is because we were trained ahead of time. Mr. Simon did say they are taking them to Chinese school, as are we with our daughter.
The bigger issues is around mixed race. We live in the Midwest and the Asian community is not large here. But we are lucky that there are 2 other families in our neighborhood that are mixed through adoption. So she sees it as not out of the ordinary.
We adopted a 9 month old Hopi/Iranian baby in 1970. The only requirement was that my wife had to stay overnight in Phoenix. She flew in and stayed in a hotel. In the morning a knock onthe door and a social worker handed her a baby girl. She did not sign anything or pay anything. This was thru Adoption Resources of North America (ARENA) which I think no longer exists. My wife flew home that day with this daughter to be greeted by me and 3 other children =we had produced the more normal way. What a joy she has been. Subsequently she has become a member of the clan of Hopis along with her 3 children. what a joy!!!
I am the adoptive mother of two sons, both are now in their 40's. I still choke up at all the places that we hear Scott choking up when he tells his story. I'm 71, and I'm here to tell you to expect those feelings to take your breath away forever!
Love to you and yours,
Jeanne Robinson, Frederick MD
I am the proud parent of two amazing children. My daughter Allison, was adopted from Korea, in 1988 and my son Patrick is biological, was born in 1989. I still can't get over the fact that we were lucky enough to build our family in both ways. We also receive that picture when we were assigned a baby. I fell asleep with it in my hand every night and it is still on my nightstand. We just wanted a baby; girl, boy, american, korian, black, white or purple. We didn't care. And then we were blessed with our son, Patrick. They are truly brother and sister and have a very special bond. What a wonderful world.
Wonderful to hear your story and the love in your voice. While some will insist on finding negatives in this beautiful story, know that many, many more share your delight in this moving journey on all sides of the adoption story. Thank you for telling it.
I am a birth mother or first mother who relinquished a baby girl to adoption in 1969 in the United States prior to the widespread acceptance of single mothers. I experienced grief and profound loss that I have come to terms with through counseling and through search and support groups like the American Adoption Congress. I listened to the entire program and felt comfort from Scott Simon's sensitivity to the feelings of the relinquishing mother. I was deeply touched to hear of the love he and his wife shower on their daughters and know this must have been similar in my daughter's life. Someday I hope to meet her and her parents if she is ever ready for a reunion.
Jem,
Any adoptive parent is aware and should be prepared for possible issues of adjustment. That's part of any legitimate agency's services and if you deal with adoptive famlies, then you know that path for certification is rigorous. That doesn't mean positive outcomes are the exception. One survey I saw of American adoptive parents about five years ago reported problems serious enough to warrant intervention in about 8 percent of international adoptions, hardly the "majority" of adoptive famlies.
You might consider that as a therapist, you are by profession, dealing with families who have issues of attachment or cultural identity or loss of language, not with those who do not. To the point of the book, I'd join many happy and successful people involved in the process in congratulating Mr. Simon in providing what I consider some much needed and rarely heard positive attention to international adoption.
I am a mother of four and I have been enjoying your show immensely this morning. Thank you Scott for sharing your adoption stories with us. I had tears rolling down my cheeks as I was readying in the bathroom, listening to the sounds of my children in the back round, and your wonderful story all at the same time. I am so thankful that there are wonderful men and women like yourself out there that are willing to be less so that someone may have more. You are a true hero! No one can understand the dept of selflessness that one must obtain to be a (good) parent until you are one. And it sounds to me as though you are and your wife are wonderful parents at that. I can't wait to read your book!
I'm a single mom with 4 children adopted from China, 3 girls and one boy. I enjoyed reliving that moment of meeting your child for the first time while hearing Scott recount it. I'm sorry that the China adoption program has become so much more restrictive and lengthy since I last adopted (2006).
Scott Simon’s memoir movingly addresses how adopted children cope with the thought of having been given away by their biological parents. Sometimes, children who live with their biological parents must cope with the knowledge that they are burden to them. My father had parenthood imposed on him by my mother, and he never seemed to find his children a source of interest or joy. Instead, our childish behavior always seemed to annoy him, while our material and emotional needs did not seem to concern him. He was not a mean parent, just indifferent. I resolved never to have children until I found myself in a relationship with someone who insisted on having them. When they were born, I was surprised at how endlessly interesting I found them, how grateful I was for their existence, and how much I enjoyed caring for them. The delight and joy that Simon takes in his daughters should be a model for both adoptive and biological fathers.
Thanks for Sharing your story Scott! I'm a father of five and a military officer. I heard your story this morning between appointments on my way back to the office. I can relate, with daughters adopted from China and Ethiopia, and three biological sons. The last three years have been both challenging and wonderful as my wife and I journeyed to China and Africa to complete our family. Certainly it hasn't been easy, but parenthood of any type is not easy. Positive stories in the national media about international adoption are few and far between, but anyone associated with the international adoption community knows that the overwhelming majority of adoptive families have very positive experiences. Thanks for sharing your experience and reminding me how fortunate I am that my wife opened my mind and my heart to international adoption. I have to admit that I shed a few tears sitting in my car....don't tell any of my co-workers!!
As an adoptee, I can relate to what Jenn wrote. The "primal wound" of being taken from the birth mother needs to be admitted by the adoptive parents. Only then, can they help the hidden pain of the child. Adoption is very complex and little understood.