Dealing with a Parent's Early Death
http://thedianerehmshow.org/shows/2010-06-08/dealing-parents-early-death
Church Hill Cemetery, Christ Episcopal Church, Church Hill (Jefferson County), Mississippi
Flickr user NatalieMaynor
The death of a parent can leave emotional scars on a child that last for decades. One in nine American's have been through this type of loss before the age of 20. Helping children cope with the loss of a parent and dealing with childhood bereavement as an adult.
Guests
Lynne Hughes
Chief Executive Officer and Founder of Comfort Zone Camp, author of the book "You Are Not Alone: Teens Talk about Life after the Loss of a Parent."
Mary Owen
Clinical Director of WENDT Center for Loss and Healing
Holly Wilcox
an assistant professor in the Division of Child and Adolescent Psychiatry and coordinator of the MHS program, Department of Mental Health, Johns Hopkins Bloomberg School of Public Health
Comments
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i was taken from my real parents because they were drinking and doing drugs and im the baby of my family of four. we were adoted by these nice people that took us in. when i became 8 i lost my adoted mother an i didnt know what was going on. when i started to understand my oldest sister left the house an it was me my bother an my other sister. when my oldest sister left i started to become the adult at the age of 10 i started to help out my dad he had this leg cancer and he needed help raping his legs and learning how to do bills. As the i watched him suffer an none able to walk or leaven his room i started to understand life more but i lost my child hood. an when the police came to take him to the hospital they had to cut out him window an carrie my father through there i was traumatized. everyday since im an none able to stay foces in school i hear thing in my head i get realy bad flashbacks of the whole thing. my life i just want back to normal is all i want. but i have been trying to work with what i got an i have been trying. im 19 now turning 20 living my my oldest sister.
Hi, I'm from South Africa. My daughter's boyfriend of 26 years old, passed away on Saturday as a result of overdosing on drugs. They have a daughter of 2 1/2 years old. We are not sure whether it would be wise to take her along to the funeral on Friday morning. Is she too young to take in all the sadness that will surround her on that day, or will it be good for her to go.
I await to hear from you.
Kind regards
Coleen
Hi, I'm from South Africa. My daughter's boyfriend of 26 years old, passed away on Saturday as a result of overdosing on drugs. They have a daughter of 2 1/2 years old. We are not sure whether it would be wise to take her along to the funeral on Friday morning. Is she too young to take in all the sadness that will surround her on that day, or will it be good for her to go.
I await to hear from you.
Kind regards
Coleen
Needed to read about this today. I wonder if you will see or read this? Well, I lost my father on Dec. 22, 1967, he was buried on Christmas Eve. He had a heart attack and died instantly.
Today is the anniversay of his death and I must say I have thought of nothing else on this day. In fact, I think of my dad nearly everyday, suspect I always will. I was 14 when he died and am 57 now.
I do believe that in those days the schools, church and family really had no clue on how to help young people gather themselves together after such a shock. I recall people saying, "Kids are resilent. They spring back" what horrible things to think or say. Feelings were swept under the rug; talking and crying and learning to live without your parent wasn't part of the agenda in those days...God help us that this has changed, hopefully.
For anyone reading this note, remind yourself that kids are people; they think, feel, love, and grieve; they just haven't lived as long as you have yet; treat them with love and kindness, treat them as you would any grieving adult; take the time to listen, to share and to support them in every way you know how. If you do not know how, take them to a specialist, someone who knows how to assist those with grief.
Children, young adults especially need support during these times afterall, their future is at stake. Help them learn to grieve, to find a place for all that they feel and give them a chance to share in a healthy way.
Bless you all...may the memory of your loved ones bring you comfort and joy throughtout your life.
Robin
Hello everyone,
I have been touched by all the posts here, and it helps so much to read others experiences and feelings.My mum died suddenly when I was 5, my father had left us 6 months earlier. I was brought up by my uncle and aunt who had their own large family.They were very kind, though I always felt like a guest and almost not a child.I never grieved for my mum, and did not attend her funeral.
I am now in my mid 50's, and left my wife 2 years ago after a long marriage. I had led our marriage to a sad state of affairs after years of my withdrawing emotionally from a very good and special person.I sometimes wonder if my early experience contributed to the person I became, and am full of regret and guilt yet cannot explain myself still.I have 2 lovely children in their late 20's and have effectively left them too. My family are hurt and bewildered.I am lonely, yet inside I feel I have to live alone and disconnected from family life.
Sometimes I think I have led a life of unresolved internalised grief, until it became unsustainable in my relationships. I do not feel any self pity here, and hope by posting maybe it can help me understand this better.
best wishes to you allx
My mother died suddenly when I was five years old and my father remarried shortly after. There were no resources or appreciation for the effects of the sudden loss on the kids and it was just like move on and get over it. I became a bed wetter. I suffered from intense yearnings for my mother and wishes to be with her in heaven. I would pray at night hoping that God would pass on my messages to her. I suffered from terrible shame and loss of self esteem which wasnt helped by the messages I got that there was something wrong with me if I missed her so much, or the insensitive comments like "good thing you were too young to remember her dying". For most of my life I felt like I was alone and there was no one to share my experience. It is only now many years later that I am reaching out to others and reading other people's thoughts who share my history. It helps to learn that you are not alone because it is the feelings of loneliness that are so difficult. Also I spent years trying to block it out of my mind and pretend like I didn't have a mother but that is not the way to go. It led to a crisis and now I am doing everything I can deal with it. I have my familiar feeling of dread and grief as I think about these things. I found that therapy helps and also use acupuncture for the many somatic problems I have that date to my mother's sudden death. It also helps me to think about my children. Warm thoughts to the others out there.
I lost my Mother(Best-friend,confidant,companion,etc...)May 31st 2010 my mom was in perfect health she went to work that very morning(she worked with children & loved it!) she visited her mom before tragedy struck on her way home she had a stroke and was pronounced dead because of no oxygen 2 the brain but the gave her CPR and she was stable but on life support machine for 5 days (it started may 26th) the hurtful part about it was my daughter birthday was may 30th and she was only turning 2, i didn't know it was that serious and when i went to see her in the E.R she looked fine but she wasn't & i wish they're is something anything i could have done to save her even change positions with her it was all so unexpected,in my heart she's a super Phenomenal Woman because right before her passing she talked about taking a family trip and what we was doing for my daughters 2nd b-day i know she wasn't going to leave her grand baby on her special day so she held on untill she sent her threw it, but what hurts is people only give out half of the energy that you extend in their time of need none half as tragic, i have been disappointed by 20 year friend ships where the only extended of themselves they can offer was a brief phone call every so often, i'm still working on self and healing i have 2 beautiful daughters that help me cope my oldest stayed with my mom so imagine her hurt but God sees me through every step of the way day by day unfortunantly my father married to my mom for over 30 yrs changed drasticly i try hard to keep our family from falling apart but he started dating immediatly & hasn;t look back much to help my mothers children
Reply to post on first page by GNGER ...For some reason you sound a little bitter towards janie. I know from experienc that people whose parents die when they are adolesents do not feel the same kind of grief that an adult say in their 20 or 30s feels. When you are that young you don't see the sacrifices that are made for you or realize how much your parents love you considering most 12 year olds don't even know what true love is. An admittedly if this person is still pining about their lost parent forty years later there is an issue but I think maybe you meant to say aquaintence not friend because if u were her friend you would be more concerned with helping them than talking about them online. You should have been given time to grieve or cut slack or whatever u wanna call it. That you werent says something about the people in your life at the time and probably explains the bitter subtext in your post. I am glad u did post because I believe in free speech and that everyone is entitled to their oppinion I just had to give mine as well.