Ann Hood: "The Red Thread"
http://thedianerehmshow.org/shows/2010-05-03/ann-hood-red-thread
A story about five families hoping to adopt baby girls from China. Novelist Ann Hood weaves together their accounts with the heartbreaking stories of the mothers who gave up their infants.
Guests
Ann Hood
author of ten books, including "Comfort" and "The Knitting Circle."
Comments
Please familiarize yourself with our Code of Conduct and Terms of Use before posting your comments.
This question has confounded me for years. Could Ms. Hood shed some light on why prospective parents go to China, Rumania, Russia, etc., and ignore the African American babies in this country.
Is it because phenotypically there is a greater difference?
We adopted from Russia and found that of the 7 families that traveled with us, all the children were eventually diagnosed with Fetal Alcohol Syndrome. (This is probably the problem with the poor boy that was sent back). My friends who adopted Chinese babies havent seen this issue. Were the Chinese babies healthier or do they just adopt out the healthy ones?
I would like to know if this book "The Red Thread" is appropriate to give to my very bright Chinese Godchild who will be 13 this month?
thanks, Karen North Wells from Cape Cod
As the mother of 2 amazing Chinese girls, I need to point out that when you speak of your "natrually born" child, it implies that our adopted children are "unnaturally born." The correct phrase should be biological.
Dear Mrs. Hood,
I applaud your desire to adopt a deserving child into your family. Why have you not adopted an American child? Had you considered how many deserving American kids need and deserve a loving family? Why travel to the ends of the Earth when there are so many here in the United States in need? My wife and I adopted a Puerto Rican girl 22 years ago, and although she has emotional and intellectual problems, and we had many difficult days with her, we are glad we adopted her.
Jim
Thank you so much for today's program. My daughter and son-in-law adopted my wonderful granddaughter, Hannah, from China. On May 23rd we will celebrate the 4th anniversary of her "gotcha day"...the day my children first met, and held, their new daughter. Hannah is the light of all of our lives and the gratitude I feel toward her birth mother cannot be put into words.
I am irritated by the comments criticizing people from adopting from China. We have 5 bio kids and a daughter adopted from China. Why did we not adopt domestically? There were many reasons involving cost, procedure, wait time, etc. Ultimately it comes down to prayerful consideration of what is best for our family. We knew our daughter was in China. The fact that children are without parents in this country does not mean that children are without parents around the world. I as an individual cannot solve every problem, nor can I adopt every child I would like to adopt. If you're worried about American orphans, YOU adopt one. For us, our hearts went to China and we followed. We found that it is NOT "the ends of the earth." Our red thread has enriched our lives beyond measure. I like the saying, "Sometimes I would like to ask God why He allows poverty, injustice and hunger in the world. But I am afraid he would ask me the same question." Instead of criticizing a very personal decision by others, go and do what you are suggesting they do. Follow your red thread.
We have 4 children - 2 biological, 2 adopted from
China. One was adopted at 9 months old, along with 9 others the same age from her orphanage. We all keep in contact with annual reunions. Our second daughter was adopted at 36 months, and the 2 girls are only 3 days apart in age. Maya, our second, has had many more difficulties, as she fought and kicked as she was being turned over to these "strange white people" when we first met her. She still suffers from a few learning issues, but both are joys in our lives. They are now both 7 years old. At what age does the author think is a good age for them to return to China to see their birth cities? One is from Taizhou, one from Liangping.
Nancy from St. Louis
I adopted my healthy 16-month- old daughter from Russia. She is an honor roll student, loving, and compassionate. It's unfair to associate all Russian adoptions with the mother who abandoned her seven year-old son by sending him back to Russia. I don't think your intention was to compare the 'quality' of children from China with the 'quality' of children from Russia; however that's how it came across.
There are millions of beautiful, healthy children hoping for and deserving of loving families-- Parents should not be discouraged from adopting their child from Russia.
Adoption is wonderful.
After three tubal pregnancies we quit fighting my body and adopted domestically through an attorney, 30 miles from our home.
We brought our daughter home when she was two days old.
The entire process was less than $15K.
That was seven years ago.
I am constantly confounded with the notion that domestic adoption is impossible.
It is easy and there are many children who need homes in America.
Did Ann Hood think about including domestic stories in her book?
Thank you.
This book sounds wonderful. The interview brought tears to my eyes- so touching and beautiful. I'll be purchasing a book for myself, and one for my mother. Thanks so much for sharing!
Dear Diane,
We've invested a great deal of time and money looking at adoptions programs in Ethiopia, China and Nepal. Today, I just cried listening to your show. No legal ease. No fine print. How wonderful it feels to simply listen to other women talking about making a family with these children-wherever they are from. This is what I've been working towards.
Thank you. I love listening to your show.
Jennifer M.
One of my favorite topics. Our experience in China was wonderful.
Our daughter is 12 and very American. We traveled back a few years ago, visited her orphanage staying in the remote town for a couple of day.
We noticed that everyone stayed up late gathering outside to eat and chat as the weather cooled down. We joked with our daughter that this must be why she's such a night owl.
She still tells up when she's up late how she comes by it honestly.
Loved the show today. Sat in my office in tears listening to the stories. Can't wait to read the book! I love hearing stories of the many journeys that bring families together.
Thank you.
Why wouldn't parent's go to China, Romania, Russia, etc?? They are all God's children--all with an equal need for a loving family.
ghowze - I have 2 Chinese daughters. I resent the inference that appearance would effect my reason to adopt, but I don't know you, nor can I say my reasons are true for every adoptive family. When asked why I didn't adopt domestically due to the abundance of US babies I need to ask how you know that? How many have you adopted? Each state mandates their own adoption policies? 50 different regulations to wade through. More with Wash DC & PR. As a resident of DC I approached DCS to learn about fostering to adopt. I was told to reconsider. They sent me away & told me it could take years. Most birth mothers in DC would choose black families over me. I applied in MD and was told because I was >35 that most birth mothers would choose a younger couple. Each time I was told that I would have to wait for a birthmother to choose me. When I asked about fostering or abandoned children & whose birth parents had terminated rights I was told to get in line and expect a 3-5 year wait. I rec'd this answer from several state agencies. So, before you criticize adoption choices, do homework. I went to China because there was only 1 defined process and no one could 'jump a place' in line. My only surprise was a referral of twins. My girls are 8. I don't care if they are striped - they are MY children. I had begun application for Haiti- now on hold due to the disaster. So it had nothing to do with phenotype. It has nothing to do with cost or open adoption. I wish I could give my girls a connection of a birth family but at this point am unable. So, when you wonder "for years" about a certain subject, ask someone who has been there. Maybe someday 50 states can streamline processes. Do you know it is easier for someone from Europe to adopt in some states than for a resident of a different state? And to those who have adopted domestically with little problem, congratulations! Any family being built by adoption is special to me - wherever the child was born.
I have an idea for the caller who told of her longing for another child after her son died in his 20's. Please consider helping one or more of the wonderful young people who age out of the foster care system. Although this was not the way my additional 5 "kids" found me, it was one I considered before meeting them. The five were introduced to me in their late teens or early twenties because they needed help. I have enormous admiration for their families that they allowed me to help them. Loving these young people has expanded my life. I didn't need to know them as infants or children to find them fascinating and wonderful. My relationships with the "kids" have ranged from living together to occasional phone calls or visits. They have progressed to jobs, housing, relationships, and education.
I am honestly frustrated with all the comments about where we adopt our children. We are ALL children of God...black, white, Asian, American, Chinese, Korean, Russian, etc.!!!! It is NO ONE's place to judge anyone and their family! Why can't we just be thankful that these children are no longer orphans? It's not anyone's place to judge another family! I am so fed up with the judgement about other people's families! If you feel compelled to adopt an American child than you should but don't judge others because their child happened to be born in another country. My son is Korean and before I was even conceived I was meant to be his Mom. He was ALWAYS meant to be my son! He just happened to be born in Korea. I am thankful I didn't limit myself to only adopt American. I would have missed out on one of the greatest gifts given to me! I support ALL adoptions and all the families who have gone through the process or are in the midst of the adoption process. Period!
Caller Christine from Cincinnati was referring to Celebrate Adoption's annual Celebration of Women Touched by Adoption event. It is always held the weekend before Mother's Day and is open to birth mothers, birth grandmothers, adoptive mothers, adoptive grandmothers, and adult adoptees. For more information about this event, our group, and the number of other educational events we offer annually--as well as our monthly support and discussion group for adoptive families--please visit www.CelebrateAdoptionCincinnati.com. We welcome members from all sides of the Adoption Triad, and from domestic or international adoption situations.
A request to each person who has questioned why people choose an international path for building their families - Please share YOUR adoption journey. I have found that most people with this question have never adopted any child.
Different kinds of adoptions are right for different people. I find it very odd to say we should only adopt American, like it was "buy American" or some other politically loaded action. Adoption is not a charitable act, so "charity begins at home" just doesn't apply either. Sure there are lots of orphans in the US; there are lots of orphans around the world, and, last time I checked, I live in the world.
I investigated many alternatives, domestic and international, before deciding on China. The costs all told weren't ridiculously high. Most of the babies, who are mostly girls, were given up because they were girls, not because of health problems, or potential health problems. Unhealthy children get adopted, too, through "special needs" programs. China, at least back in 2002, had a very well-run program, so that was another reason I chose to adopt from there.
How does anyone dare question from where people adopt? That's like walking up to someone and saying 'Why on earth did you sleep with HER?' Something,of course, we all want to do but don't normally do. For us and our 2 daughters it just kind of happened. We went to Catholic Charities (I am not even Catholic) and they said healthy babies are coming from China now (1996). We didn't 'go shopping'. It's just how we had our babies.
The author spoke eloquently of the loss of her 3 year old daughter. Our son died almost two years ago and I also experience those "unbelievable" moments when I too, actually say out loud "is he gone?" It is also true that you can experience joy in the midst of sorrow. My faith is central to that healing, slow and uncharted territory is sustained day by day. I appreciated her ability to express these two real experiences in the loss of a child. The interview was wonderful and I especially liked having the opportunity to hear about the details of the family's experience in the adoption process. I am well past that stage of life, however, it was fabulous to be along for the journey.
I also wonder about the judgments people have made in this forum and why they do make it. I see my friends who have adopted three daughters from Kasakstan, and others who have lovely darling daughters from China and how their lives, not just the lives of the daughters, but their lives are transformed by the experience of everyday parenting and what it means to have their hearts bound together as a unit. It is a remarkable thing to think about the way people are led to their decision to adopt, either through prayerful consideration, or being led by an inner voice. It is wonderful to see how people respond to their heart's desire and how their lives and their adopted children's lives are changed forever. I know that the judgment is made without understanding. This book will surely bring more understanding and compassion.
As a 47-year-old single woman looking to adopt, I quickly realized that domestic adoption of a baby was extremely unlikely for me--as others have said--because birth mothers are much more likely to choose younger couples. The children available for adoption though the state of North Carolina were 7 to 15 years old. My heart went and still goes out to those children, but realistically I didn't think I had the emotional or financial resources to do a decent job of parenting a child who was almost certain to have significant emotional and psychological issues because of so many years of abuse, neglect, and just living in multiple foster homes. I wanted to help, but after soul searching I knew I needed to start with a baby in order to learn to be a mother. I adopted my (amazing, now 5-year-old) daughter from Guatemala because I do research there and know I'll have opportunities to help her connect with that country and culture if she wants to, but also because I know how instrumental US foreign policy has been in destabilizing that country and keeping families poor. I felt that if I was going to go abroad to adopt, I could at least take a tiny bit of responsibility for the ills my country has perpetrated. But that was my journey and my motivation. Two of my best friends have daughters from China and Cambodia, respectively. Every family finds its own path.